When I was in the fifth grade I had a teacher named Ms. Horgesheimer. If her name didn't sound evil enough, her demeanor was. I don't know if my feelings for her were thing way through the whole year, or if it just happened with this experience at the end of the year.
It was right around the last week of school before summer break. We were finishing up everything. One of our last things was some kind of report. I don't recall if it was a book report or what, but it was an oral report. This is the first report that I remember ever having to do orally and I think I was a little nervous. More than remembering that I was nervous, I do remember changing positions as I sat there because I needed to go to the bathroom. Everyone in the class had to do a report, so Ms. Horgesheimer started at the beginning of the roll and went through alphabetical order. As we approached lunchtime, when we'd take a break, my name got closer and closer - and my bladder felt like it was getting smaller and smaller.
I took a few opportunities to request a bathroom break. But much to my dismay, Ms. Horgesheimer, declined my requests over and over. Finally, I settled into a position where I thought I could hold out until lunchtime. Then, just as it was time to go, Ms. Horgesheimer decided to go just one more name, and it was mine. I rolled out of my position and grabbed my report. I added one more plea to Ms. Horgesheimer to use the restroom before I did my report. She let me know that I could hold it until after my report when we'd break to go to lunch.
I remember not only my hands shaking, but my legs doing the same as I danced through my report. Any practice with the inflections in my voice for this report went out the window. It was total survival mode. I read through my report as fast as I could. As I neared the halfway point, the flood gates could no longer hold the overflowing bladder and out seeped a little warmth. I think everything else in my bladder rejoiced at the extra space, so they heave hoed out a little more. I remember thinking that I'd be alright because I was wearing my dark, skeleton riding a skateboard shorts. I didn't think anyone would notice a little wet spot showing up on the dark material. Then, a little stream went down my leg. It was way to warm of a stream to be sweat from nerves. I'm pretty sure I wrote that one off as well because it went down the inside of my leg and ended up in the back. I finished out my report and ran from the room to the restroom as Ms. Horgesheimer dismissed us for lunch.
In the bathroom I realized that my skeleton shorts had failed me and there would be no missing the streams that had run down my legs. I did what I could to clean up my accident and sheepishly went to lunch.
I'm pretty sure I was quiet for lunch, and I don't recall much for the rest of that day or the next few days - until the planning of revenge. Now, being an adult I don't know how appropriate the revenge was. I probably should have just gone to my parents about it and had them help me work it out, but I was in fifth grade and I wasn't an adult. I thought like a fifth grader and revenge was on the table. It also helped that a few of my friends didn't really like Ms. Horgesheimer. They may have also been other motives from their standpoint, but I tie it all to this incident and my friend sticking up for me. I'm sure the revenge wasn't my idea, because I didn't really think that way. I was afraid of authority and did everything I could growing up to stay on the good side of anyone with authority over me. I didn't want anyone with authority over me to be disappointed is something I had done. But, for some reason, this way to get back at a teacher that I felt wronged by didn't seem that bad and it got me at the right time.
Ms. Horgesheimer was a daily Pepsi drinker. She had a mug that she would bring in every morning and refill at least once during the day, usually during lunch time or while we were on break. You could always tell when she came back with a new refill because she seemed so refreshed and had some extra bounce in her step. One of my friends (I'll withhold names from this story), had the brilliant idea to doctor up her drink a bit. The plan was to bring as much Alka-Seltzer as we could to class on the same day and drop it in her drink.
On the planned day (which I think was the last day of class), everyone that could brought their Alka-Seltzer to class - I don't recall being able to come up with any. As sure as the sun rising in the morning Ms. Horgesheimer brought in her Pepsi that morning. I'm sure none of us paid any attention to whatever lesson was taught that morning as we were too nervous about what might happen and finding the opportune moment to carry out our scheme. I don't recall being too nervous about our other classmates. Maybe that was because not too many in the class liked Ms. Horgesheimer, or maybe we weren't smart enough to think of that.
We didn't get an opportunity before lunch as Ms. Horgesheimer never left class. But, after lunch a fresh mug of Pepsi was there on Ms. Horgesheimer's desk - and Ms. Horgesheimer wasn't there. My friend ran up to her desk and started plopping in the supply of Alka-Seltzers (I'm sure there was seven or eight tablets). I think the rest of us had some background spy music playing in our heads as he make the drop. Just as it was in a movie, he got back to his desk just as Ms. Horgesheimer came into class. I would pay to see what our faces really looked like as she came into the room and went straight for her drink. I can only imagine us squirming in our seats and them wondering what would happen as she took those first few sucks on her straw. I don't remember what really happened other than a big suck on her straw followed by a quick dash out of the room. I don't even recall if we saw her the rest of the day, or if she came back and scolded us.
Now, writing this story, while it has always been a story of triumph over our teacher, it really was quite a lapse in our judgement. I don't agree with my teacher not letting my go to the bathroom, but I also don't think it was the smartest thing messing with her drink. It could have really hurt her. Either way, this has been a story that I've told over and over as people ask about my most embarrassing moments.
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