Week 29 - What was your father like?

Dad was a quiet leader.  He was definitely the patriarch of the home.  Whether he took this role seriously, or it was just his personality could be debated.

Dad is one of those people who if you ask him to do something, you know it'll get done.  He best showed this in his work and church service.  Whether it was a work culture thing, or a personality thing, I'm not sure, but just like clock work, Dad would leave the house at 7:30 in the morning and would walk in the door at 5:30 p.m.  It was so dependable and predictable that you could set your clock by it.  I don't know if any of us really understand what Dad did for work, but we all have visited his office and we all knew he worked for the county.  I know Dad was a CPA and understood numbers and how they fit together on the books.  That about it.  Dad went to work every day and came home every night.  We always had food on the table and clothes on our bodies.

After the prophet, President Benson, came out and said we should be reading the Book of Mormon every day, that became part of our every day schedule.  Though it switched a few times, you could count on a knock on your door nearly every morning from Dad at 5:55 a.m. to get us up with a "Jeremy, it's time to read."  Again, it was like clock work.  If you drifted off to sleep, you could count on a little reminder coming from down the hallway a few minutes later when everyone was waiting.

Dad spent hours in church service.  He was always the ward clerk - always.  He'd be at church before us, and we'd see him as we walked into the building clicking away on the computer at the church.  Then, he'd be in the office counting tithing again after church as we walked out to say good-bye.  He was there at least one night during the week.  Sometimes Dad would get a phone call, talk for a few minutes, go into his room and come out with a white shirt and tie on.  He'd kiss Mom and walk out the door and be gone for a little while and come back.  Dad is the epitome of doing everything he is asked to do as asked.  You can count on him for anything.

I'm not sure if Dad knows how to do everything, or if he's really good at faking it.  Growing up you knew that if anything was wrong, you could go to Dad and he'd be able to fix it.  The neat thing about Dad fixing things is that he wouldn't just do it for you, he'd somehow teach you how to do it while he was fixing it.  This applied through something being physically broken, or spiritually broken.

Here's a story that I wrote for a book my siblings and I recently compiled of family stories.  This is one story I think of when I think of Dad knowing how to fix everything.

In high school my friends and I were involved in quite a few extra-curricular activities.  Looking back on it now, I don’t really know how we fit everything in.  I was involved in choirs, track and cross-country teams, sports games being the self-designated Super Royal Mascot with one of my friends and seminary council.  We really enjoyed our high school experience and made the most of it.

Dad made it possible for me to have a car in high school.  As I recall, he and mom bought me a car and I was responsible for taking care of it with gas and insurance.  I’m sure dad helped with all of those things as the jobs I carried in high school could have in no way covered all of those expenses and all of the extra-curricular activities I was able to participate in with my friends.

Dad and I spent quite a few hours with cars.  I don’t think either of us really knows what we are doing, but we had a fix-it manual and a garage that kept us out of the cold for the hours we spent fixing cars.  Dad even helped me in my quest to have great music capabilities in my car despite how loud I played my music in the car.  This experience in particular isn’t about fixing cars, but it sure ended up that way.

One night I had picked up one of my best friends, Tim Ashby.  We were headed up to what I remember to be a basketball game.  A few of our good friends were on the team, and it was the place to be.  We figured out all the tricks of getting up to the school quickly.  We had to cross a set of train tracks to get up there and it seemed like every time you went up you hit a train either on your way up, or way back, if not both ways.  Sometimes you got lucky and hit a train that would stop, another train that would go by, and then you’d have to wait for the stopped train to start going again.  Because of this, we got pretty tricky in our driving routes.

We had made it over the tracks on this particular night.  Tim and I were talking and listening to whatever music was on that night and flipping through the stations.  All of a sudden, the car jolted to the side, flipped around and we were stopped in the middle of the road turned nearly the wrong way.  I’m sure a few choice words were uttered.  Tim and I were both fine, and the car looked fine as well.  There was a set of headlights coming right at us so we put the car back in gear to get out of the way.  The car went in gear, but didn’t go anywhere.  So, I tried to put the car in gear again – nothing happened.

We got out of the car and walked around it to find that something was wrong with the front wheels and we also found a flat bed trailer that was parked on the side of the road.  It was one of those heavy-duty trailers with the big wheel wells that stick out of the side of them and apparently grab little white Chevy Nova’s that are driving down the road.  Either that, or I hadn’t noticed it because I was chatting and changing the channels on the radio (the latter would be the truth in this story).

Somehow, we got a hold of dad.  We didn’t have a cell phone, so I assume we either went to a house to call, or the police that showed up shortly after the accident called for us.  I remember being so nervous and scared.  I had done something to this car that Dad had purchased for me.  I was going to have to fix it.  I messed up someone’s trailer.  The police were going to ticket me.  I had no money.

The next part of the story is what really characterizes Dad.  He showed up all calm and collected.  I’m sure that all of Amy’s accidents had nothing to do with this – okay maybe a little bit.  He showed up, got a little bit of information, gave me the keys to his car and sent me on my way.  That’s all I remember.  He told me to have a good time at the game and we’d work things out when I got home.

I don’t really remember much more about this experience.  I do remember the time that Dad and I spent repairing that old Chevy Nova.  We took some time of our own, and we paid someone to help out with the difficult part.  The big thing I remember is leaving that experience knowing how much Dad cared for me.  He was worried about me, not the car.  He was also worried about making things right with the trailer owner.  For some reason, the police didn’t ticket me.  The trailer had been parked on the road in violation for parking there during the winter months or something like that.  But, Dad made things right with them.  Dad never got mad at me for wrecking the car he had spent his hard earned money on.  I knew we weren’t made of money, and I knew that him buying that car for me was a stretch.

Though he is a quiet person, Dad understands people.  I believe it is because he is a patient man that knows how to listen.  Dad was never quick to talk.  He rarely raised his voice.  Dad is a master of listening and helping someone come to their own solution for a problem without doing much more than nod his head.  I recall a few of these conversations when I could be guided to coming to my own solution that wasn't quite right.  Dad would let me try out the solution and figure out on my own that it wasn't the right thing to do.  I still haven't figured this out.  I, like a drill sergeant, bark out orders to my three-year-old and expect instant results.  I have little patients for disobedience to my command and rather than take the time to help my boys learn something, I just quickly do it myself.  I pray for the patience that my Dad has quite often - usually after a blow up at one of my boys.

Dad loves and honors Mom.  Dad always greeted and left Mom with a hug, kiss and pat on the bum.  There is only one time I recall fearing my Dad.  I was at home I think in high school.  Mom and I had had a heated conversation and I had sworn a few times calling Mom some not so nice names.  She immediately got Dad on the phone.  I did not want to pick up the phone when Mom handed it over to me.  Dad was very patient with me and I knew he was disappointed and most likely furious, but he didn't show it and he spoke very calmly with me that we'd chat when he got home.  That didn't really make the fear inside of me any better, but I have a lot of respect for Dad's ability to hold his tongue. 

Week 28 - What was your mother like?

I've written quite a bit about Mom in other posts.  The stories from other posts are probably the best way to describe her.  But, to put a little more down in the books, we'll see where this goes.

Mom could be well described as a mother hen.  A mother hen watches over her little chicks.  She teaches them how to gather food, she teaches them where to sleep at night, she shows them where safety is.  A mother hen also protects her little chicks, whether it be clucking up a storm to scare something away, or gathering up her chicks and getting them to safety.   A mother hen stands between her chicks and anything that could harm them. 

This goes off the subject a little bit, but Kelly told a story the other night to our friends that reminded me of Mom.  She had some friends that had a Weimaraner dog.  It was the most playful fun dog to have around, if the dog knew who you were.  Anytime anyone came around that the dog didn't know, it could be the scariest animal around.  If Kelly would go over to this friends house to play the dog would always be at the door when she arrived.  The dog would let her in without any problem.  However, if Kelly brought over a friend or someone the dog didn't know, the dog would actually get in the way and prevent the person from coming into the house, until the dog was told it was ok.  Other times if Kelly and the other kids were playing in the front yard or at a park and the dog was there, it would be very playful with the kids.  If anyone would walk by the house, even just walking down the sidewalk or on the other side of the road, the dog would put itself between the person and the kids.  I guess that actually makes Mom more like a watchdog than a mother hen.

It was Mom's sole purpose to raise up kids that were good productive people. Whether that was to avoid embarrassment from what we might say or do, or because she wanted kids that could take care of her and Dad when they got old is still up in the air.  This started at the home with teaching us how to work.  I wrote this talk a few weeks ago for Mother's Day in sacrament meeting.  I think it describes Mom and her mom well.

Mother’s Day Talk – May 13, 2012

Influence of a Righteous Woman – M. Russell Ballard; April 2012 General Conference

“Sisters, we, your brethren, cannot do what you were divinely designated to do from before the foundation of the world.  We may try, but we cannot even hope to replicate your unique gifts.  There is nothing in this world as personal, as nurturing, or as life changing as the influence of a righteous woman.”

Today, I want to tell you about how the influence of some righteous women has changed my life.

My mother was born 50 some odd years ago in a small farming suburb of Ogden, Utah – Wilson.  He dad was some kind of a property developer.  He managed some mobile home parks and worked with quite a few other people to develop properties.  His wife, my grandma Hill was in her forties when they got married.  She was very independent lady.

Grandma grew up in an even more rural suburb of Logan – Millville, Utah.  She was a farm girl and grew up living a frugal farm life through the depression.  As a kid, it was fun to go back to the area she grew up to visit our cousins that were super-country folk.  They were straight out of the movies it seemed.  They spoke with a drawl had crazy teeth and were what I assumed was real life redneck, but hard-working farmers.  I felt like a total city slicker going to visit the – myself growing up in the booming metropolis of Roy, Utah. 

Grandma Hill, just like some of the animals she probably had on her farm growing up, was a stubborn lady.  She had her ways and that was how things were done.  As non of my mother’s siblings were around when I was growing up, we got to spend a lot of time over at grandma’s house helping out.  She lived on quite a few acres of farmland.  She had sheep, at least an acre of garden, probably close to that of grass, and when shoveling snow it felt like ten times that much in pavement to shovel.  My grandpa died when I was really young and my grandma decided to stay in the huge house they had built on that huge piece of property.  There was plenty of work to do.  The perks of this as a boy were limited, but I did get to learn to drive the tractor when I was far too young to even reach the pedals. 

Grandma to me was a little odd.  She at weird things like overly boiled spinach with lemon juice on it for flavor, super-pickled beets, and oatmeal with crunchy husks and raisins.  Grandma’s house smelled funny.  She held on to everything and had little piles and stashes around her house that she would “putter around” through which meant move from place-to-place.

Grandma went to the temple multiple times each week.  Not only was she a temple worker, she went to the temple to do her own family history work on top of it.  To prepare for her visits, she spent multiple hours each week doing camily history work.  Now that I understand what that is, I imagine her rail little body sitting ina chair pouring through microfilms with her failing eyesight and weak little hands.  Grandma served faithfully as a visiting teacher.   I remember her talking about going to take care of the “poor old sisters in her ward that needed some help” wondering to myself how someone as old as her that needed so much help herself could provide anyone any help.

I know my grandma had a testimony of the Savior and of His restored gospel found in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Yes, she had a messy house.  Yes, I think she was really quirky.  Yes, she did things a weird way.  But, I know she loved the Lord and she followed Him.  She lived her quirky life in a way that I never doubted it.  In fact, to this day, I wonder how personal of an experience she had with our Savior.  Because of her, my testimony in our Savior grew – and I have learned that someone could have a personal relationship with Him.

My mother, the product of this quirky woman, has quite a few quirks herself.  I’m sure these are all a product of her upbringing.

Mom grew up on the huge farm I mentioned with the sheep, huge garden and huge lawn to mow.  She also grew up with a mother that still remembered the depression and canned like she had to feed an army for years.  This made it normal for my mom to want a huge garden at her own home with a huge fruit room to store it all after it was put up and preserved.  Mom was a canning champion.  And she had a fleet of children to help her with the labor.  All summer long, after scripture reading at 6:00 a.m., we’d head out to the garden to weed, water, or pick the rows and rows of beans, peas, corn, tomatoes and whatever else was back on that huge section of our yard.  It was fortuitous that mom had this inside of her.  While dad had a great job, raising five kids is no cheap endeavor and we lived quite frugally.  Mom made sure her army of gardeners was properly fed each day and most of the meals growing up came from the very bottles and #10 cans that we had picked out of our own garden.

I think to mostly to run away from the cluttered house that she grew up in, my mom became affectionately referred to by her children as “the clean freak.”  We had chore charts for every day of the week, lists of how to clean each room in the house posted somewhere in its respective room, and a friendly competition each week between kids to see who could score the highest on mom’s bedroom inspection.  All these things had to be done before any type of luxury was enjoyed – like going to a friend’s house.

Mom knew Satan was real and I think she has a great fear of him.  More a fear of what Satan could do to her children than of him.  It actually would be quite the battle to see mom go head to head with Satan, because she has the same bull-headed stubbornness of her mother.  She won’t let anything get between her and her children.  I remember coming home from my mission and having most of my collection of music gone.  Mom had gone through my collection and done a cleansing to prepare for my return.  There was no tolerance for things that would pull us away from the gospel.  Mom was well aware that Satan was cunning and would use various ways to get at her children and she would have none of it.  There was also no tolerance for disrespect of her or of anyone else for that matter.  If something ever happened than dad was called at work and that was definitely bad news.  I don’t know why we all thought that was bad news because dad is one of the most even-kill people you’ll ever meet in your life.

Mom was also a cheerleader.  Mom did everything she could to get me to learn piano – just like all her other kids.  After all my kicking and screaming, and 12 years of lessons, we came to an agreement where I could quit piano lessons as soon as I passed off all of the hymns in the hymnbook to my dad.  I remember it crushed my mom to have one of her kids drop out.  It was like taking one of her dreams and stomping all over it. But, mom kept on.  I wanted to drop out so I could pursue being a super-star runner.  Taking time for piano was cramping my training.  Mom, ever though I don’t think she ever understood cross-country or track, became the biggest cheerleader a track team has ever known.

One last story,

I remember one race in particular that I always tell about myself - then in thinking about it, it’s really about Mom.  A lot of people don’t run in bad weather.  But, our team ran in rain, sleet, snow, extreme cold, heat wave, monsoon, whatever.  It was a rare occasion that workouts were changed much because of the weather.  It was also a rare occasion that track or cross-country meets were canceled because of weather.  This particular event was a biggie, so there was no way it was canceling - the City County meet.  This event was always held on a Saturday morning and included all schools in the county regardless of their class level.

On this particular morning, we had gotten an early cold front.  We knew it was going to be cold.  While warming up it was a little rainy, but we were used to that.  As we came out to start the race, you could see your breath.  We walked over to the start line in our normal fashion.  I remember this particular morning I actually felt a little bad for the other teams.  We let them into the hallways in the school because it was so cold.  But, we had all the nice accommodations of the home team with our locker room, bathrooms, showers, etc.  As I looked over at the starting line, there was Mom in her normal place on the other side of the chain link fence.  She was cheerleading as usual, yelling some words of encouragement that I couldn’t really make out.

The gun went off and we took off running.  It was just a normal race, but really cold.  We made our first loop around the baseball field, then all hell broke loose.  The clouds cracked, it was no longer a little rain coming down and the rain was turning more into snow.  As we kept running the course, it just got colder and colder and it rained harder and harder.  I remember coming across behind the school starting the second lap, preparing to go down the big hill to Sandridge Junior High School that the rain actually felt like it turned into big frozen rocks - not hail ROCKS.  After the fact it was probably a good thing because it took my mind off the pain of running and brought it to, “I’ve gotta get done so I can get out of this storm!”  It was nuts.  Just then I looked up and Mom was still in her spot number two, at the top of the hill just beyond the fence.  She was screaming her guts out and clapping like no other just like it was any other race.

The storm didn’t let up.  I finished the last lap and coming up the hill before dropping into the stadium.  Mom was still there screaming and cheering.  I finished the race.  I think I actually did pretty good and got some made up award for the freshmen participating in the race.  But, all that aside all I remember from that race was the weather and it was crazy.  Mom was there.

I don’t know if Mom understood Cross-Country.  I don’t know if she even cared.  But, she cared about me and she was there to support me.  I knew that Mom loved me and was there to help me pursue my dreams.  She was there at every race that I can remember rain, shine or everything the heavens had to offer on a crappy day.

Mom wasn’t perfect.  In fact, as a kid I really had a hard time with her and the way she ran her household.  But, I knew she loved me.  I knew when I had a bad day I could come home and someone would be there for me to talk with me.  I didn’t take advantage of the talking too much, but I did absorb the love and peace that my mom created in our home.  I know mom got frustrated quite a bit.  I also know that I caused quite a bit of that frustration.  Mom wanted to be the perfect mom with the perfect kids.  But, she wasn’t perfect.

We all want to be better in some way.  It is deeply rooted inside of us to become like our Heavenly Father.  We will make it – eventually.  That is the key.  The Kodak moments we often refer to and see depicted around us are just that, Kodak moments.  The reason they are so cool is because they don’t happen all day every day.  They are what we all want, what we shoot for, the ideal.  We all have them every once in a while.  There are so many other moments in between that aren’t captured on film though.  Brothers and Sisters, we can make it if we rely on Him like I know my mother and grandmother did and do.

Rely on Him

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, April 1997 General Conference

“Rely on Him.  Rely on Him heavily.  Rely on Him forever.  And ‘press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope.’  You are doing God’s work.  You are doing it wonderfully well.  He is blessing you and He will bless you even – no especially – when your days and your nights may be the most challenging.  Like the woman who anonymously, meekly, perhaps even with a little hesitation and embarrassment, fought her way through the crowd just to touch the hem of  the Master’s garment, so Christ will say to those who worry and wonder and sometimes weep over their responsibility, ‘be of good comfort, they faith hath made thee whole.’”

Brothers and Sisters little by little we will make it.  We aren’t perfect.  That’s not the plan.  The plan is to do the best we can and have our Savior make up the rest for us, and we’ll make it – eventually.  May God bless us all in our pursuit.  I love you.

Week 27 - Describe your honeymoon.

After taking off from the temple in Salt Lake City, we dropped by Cuttler's cookies in Centerville and grabbed some sandwiches and cookies to celebrate.  Then we headed straight up to Logan.

We stayed at the Anniversary Inn for the night and headed up to Afton, Wyoming for the rest of the week.  I think we got out each day for a hike or quick trip to Jackson, but that was about it.  We both had a much needed get away from work, family and planning a wedding to be with each other. 

I learned most about music that Kelly enjoyed as we dug through our cases of CDs.  I learned that we both enjoyed nature-type programs as there was only one movie in the house we stayed in that was some nature film.  I learned most that we were both happy with a simple life.  We didn't worry about extravagance.  I think we both knew that we could find pleasure in life without the bells and whistles that are sometimes deemed necessities.

We spent time at Cottonwood Lake and on a hike up to a natural spring in the foothills of Afton.  While we've only been back once since then, it remains one of the most beautiful places around - with some of the best water coming from that spring.

So, this is a short post.  But, in a nutshell that's about it - without writing a love novel that nobody wants to read, or should be reading for that matter.  It was the first week of Kelly and my life together.  We have had numerous vacations and times together since that time.  I'm happy to say that, while our honeymoon was a wonderful time together, things have only gotten better.  Our honeymoon was a mere start to the wonderful eternal relationship that we have together.

Week 26 - Describe your wedding day.

I believe that it is traditional to describe your wedding day as the best day of your life.  That is not completely accurate from my perspective.  While our wedding day was a wonderful, beautiful day, our days together have gotten much better as time rolls on.  True, there are some crazy days in there that either drag on forever, or have you at your wits end, but it is great to have a companion that you can count on and grow to love more and more each day.  It is wonderful to be able to plan a future and know who it will be with.

So, with that said, our wedding day was great.  As mentioned in a few previous posts, Kelly and I bought our home a month or so before we were married.  When all was said and done it was probably only a few weeks before we were married that we actually owned the home.  I moved in those few weeks leading up to our marriage and we spent quite a bit of time cleaning the home and preparing it to be ours.  I remember that we had to scrape quite a bit of lead paint from the garage and repaint it before we could close on the house.  There was a whole lot of cleaning to be done.  Everyone came in over conference weekend and helped us out quite a bit cleaning up and moving things in. 

The night before our wedding Kelly brought everything down for our honeymoon and we moved most of her stuff in.  We didn't want to worry about having to run around gathering everything up before we left on our honeymoon and we wanted to be able to just come home and be home without having to check in with our families.  We planned our wedding celebration accordingly.  We had a dinner the night before at Em's Cafe on Capitol Hill in Salt Lake City.  We had our wedding ceremony on our wedding day and then we had a reception a week or so later.

So, on our wedding morning Kelly came and picked me up around 9:00 a.m.  We packed up the car with all of our honeymoon clothes, food, etc.  We went down to the Salt Lake Temple and parked in the temple parking lot where we felt safe that nobody would "decorate" our car.  Our temple assigned sealer was Bro. Coombs.  The ceremony was excellent.  Kelly and I have had numerous opportunities to go back and perform sealings to totally remember the promises that were given to us.  One of my favorite times of the day was sitting in the Celestial Room with Kelly for a few minutes leading up to our ceremony.  This continues to be one of my favorite things to do - sit in the celestial room with Kelly just pondering about whatever.

After our ceremony, we changed and met up in the basement of the temple before heading out for pictures.  I walked down the hallway to the waiting area and there Kelly was with a bunch of other grooms waiting for their new wives.  It was kind of funny and gets brought up everyone once in a while that I'm the high maintenance one in the relationship.  This is also one thing that I love about Kelly.  She is fine with who she is.  She is naturally beautiful and while she gets made up for special occasions and is a total knock out, she is beautiful everyday even if she is walking around in her PJs, unshowered, and a little haggard from a sleepless night with the boys.  We got pictures all around the temple, then we went back in changed into our normal church clothes that we wore to the temple that morning.  We grabbed a sandwich from Cutler's in Centerville and drove up to Logan. 

We'll stop here in the story where next week's story is about our honeymoon.

Week 25 - How long was your engagement? Write about any trials during this time. Write about preparations for the wedding.

As I mentioned in last week's post (yesterday), Kelly and I were engaged for two months.  Kelly and I were both in a situation where we were both ready to get married and once we chose each other to be married to we just made it happen. 

I'm not sure how it usually happens, but Kelly and I pretty well took care of all of the arrangements.  We decided to change all of the things we thought were customary that we didn't necessarily like and do things our way, because it was our day.  This did cause some inconvenience for some of our family members that didn't live near the Salt Lake Temple, but it was our day.


Kelly was working odd shifts at Primary Children's Medical Center at the time.  She'd work some days and some nights.  That is just how they did it on the surgical floor where where she was working as a nurse.  This made for some interesting planning sessions.  We sent quite a few emails back and forth.  Kelly only worked three days a week, but they were odd hours and 12-hour shifts.  This meant that though she might only work three days, she would be recovering another few days.  If it was after a night shift she'd sleep through the day and then try to get herself back on a normal schedule for the next shift. Why they allowed the nurses to work this way I do not know.  You'd think they'd have them either work night or day shifts, but it wasn't that way.  It actually ended up causing Kelly to have some weird heart rhythms a few years after we were married to the point that she quit working at Primary's even though she loved it there.

These odd shifts and odd hours of togetherness made for some interesting times and I think caused quite a bit of anxiety inside of Kelly.  As we were courting and spending every waking hour together that we could and then fitting in sleep between these weird schedules, Kelly had some rough times.  I know her dad helped out quite a bit and she spent quite a bit of time in the temple.  For some reason, I didn't experience any of this and I was pretty calm and supportive through the whole thing.  Kelly might tell you otherwise, but that's how I remember it.  I don't recall this causing any question on if we'd get married, it was more just anxiety of that we were going to get married and it was for real.

Kelly and I made most of the arrangements for our wedding. We picked out a little quaint diner that one of my work friends had told me about for our wedding dinner.  Everyone that was invited to our ceremony and a few other family members were invited to the dinner at Em's Cafe on Capitol Hill.  There was seating for about 50 people and we had the place packed.  We arranged for our flowers from a little floral shop in Sugarhouse.  They took excellent care of us.  We decided to only do the ceremony on our wedding day as we wanted to enjoy the day.  Everyone we had spoken to did the wedding and luncheon and a reception on one day and they were worn out at the end of the day.  After the mid-morning ceremony, we did pictures with everyone that was there and a few of just us, then we left town for our honeymoon in Logan, Utah and Afton, Wyoming.  We did a reception at our home a week or so later after we returned.


That brings up another interesting thing as far as wedding preparations go.  We both we pretty established in good jobs with our undergraduate degrees completed.  We both didn't want to rent, so we also decided we'd be buying a house in those few months as we prepared for a wedding.  This wasn't really a stressful thing, though I'm sure there was more stress than I remember.  The biggest thing was we knew the type of neighborhood we wanted to live in and we thought we knew the only neighborhoods that existed.  The tough part was that those neighborhoods were all well out of our price range.  I remember after browsing through most of the neighborhoods at $400k and $500k homes that were two and three bedrooms homes we both were a little frustrated.  We actually came across a small home in the mid $300s that we were set on figuring out that if we both stayed employed full-time we'd be able to make it happen.  That's when reality set in and we were able to come back to Earth and realize that we wanted Kelly to be at home with our kids when they came into the picture and we didn't want to be strapped to something that would keep us that tight.

It was near a miracle when we drove up 1200 South in Bountiful one night.  We were both talking.  Mid-sentence we both stopped.  I stopped the car in the middle of the road.  I got out of the car and grabbed a flier in front of a for sale by owner home.  It was a tiny home with huge trees and it was so cute.  I don't recall if we ever pulled the car out of the road, but we looked through the windows and as we were on the phone with the person selling it, told him we'd give him what he was asking.  It was so perfect.  It wasn't scary at all.  Whether it came from shock of all of the other homes we had seen than finding this one at under half the price, or if it was where we needed to be it doesn't matter.  Everything worked out perfectly and smooth just as our relationship had done.

So, there you have it.  Met, engaged, married, bought a home in four months time.  Crazy, eh.  Crazy, but perfect.  I think this is the type of fairy tale that should be in a book someday.  Forget all the drama that Hollywood thinks we need to have in our lives, this is for real.

Week 24 - When did you know you were going to marry your spouse? How did you get engaged?

It is times like these that I wish I kept a regular journal.  Now, it seems like Kelly and I have always been together and we have always have had two little boys.  It is difficult to remember life without her.  I frequently recall time of my life when Kelly is just added into the story, even though I had no idea who she when when those experiences happened to me.  It just seems like all good things happen with her, and during the sad times of my life, she was the one that helped me.  I don't know if this happens for everyone, but it has become that way for me.

I do recall figuring out pretty past that Kelly and I were going to be together forever.  From the moment of our first meeting we were inseparable.  While it took a few weeks to actually be able to get on a date with her without her sisters in tow,  it took about that same time period for both of us to know that we'd be getting married.

I don't recall any specific incident that sticks out in my mind as the moment that I knew I'd be marrying Kelly.  As I've mentioned in some other posts, it took me a lot of learning from other dating experiences to get to the level where I was ready for Kelly.  I apparently had a lot to learn.  In all of those other experiences I always had some reservations or red flag come up.  Don't get me wrong, I dated quite a few really neat people.  Fortunately for me I was directed away from them for one reason or another.  Some reasons never quite made sense until I met Kelly.

Kelly was everything I had ever wanted in a spouse and more.  In my previous dating experiences I had quite a few people tell me that I was crazy breaking up with someone for one reason or another.  I was told numerous times that I shouldn't be holding out for a miracle or that nobody was perfect and I shouldn't expect that in anyone I was dating.  I didn't feel like I was ever expecting perfection.  I realized that myself being quite imperfect I couldn't expect that.  I also realized that I had done quite a few things in my life to get to a certain level and I shouldn't have to settle for someone who hadn't done the same. 

When Kelly came along there were no red flags - ever.  No hesitations - ever.  No wondering what if this happens - ever.  I know that Kelly experienced some anxiety over our relationship, but it never caused one bit of hesitation in my mind.  From the get go everything was right and it stayed that way.  Every experience we had together increased my love for her and desire to be with her more.  Things got pretty ridiculous with the hours we spent together.  Kelly was working crazy hours at Primary Children's Medical Center and I was working normal hours at AlphaGraphics in Layton.  Kelly would get of a crazy 12-hour night shift and crash for a few hours, then we'd get together for a few hours after I got off work before she'd have to go back.  After a few night shifts in a row, Kelly would have to crash for a while to recover and we just made things work.

We both knew we'd be getting married after dating for only a few weeks.  We both were pretty established so it ended up being fairly easy.  We had a conversation one night that was very simple.  We both knew we wanted to be together forever, so we decided to just make it happen.  Two months after we met we were formally engaged.  I proposed to Kelly on the top of the hill at Temple Square in Salt Lake City on the north-east side of the Conference Center near the gates to the gardens on the top of the Conference Center.  We had found a ring that she liked and I had ordered it in from a shop that I had done some design work for.  I don't recall why we were at temple square that night.  We had probably gone out to dinner like we did quite often back then.  We loved to try new restaurants - we still do, but our finances are directed to other places now.  We probably were just going for a walk.  Even though Kelly knew we were going to get married and I wasn't really popping the question, I was super nervous.  I wanted to make it a special occasion and it never really felt like it was going to be, so after walking around for a while and sweating on the box with her ring in it quite profusely, we just stopped and I knelt down and asked her.  Right there on Main Street with cars rolling by and other people all around.  I'm glad she still said yes, because I probably embarrassed her a bit.

Two months later we were married in the Salt Lake City Temple.  I'll stop here, because if I recall, the next blog post asks me to tell more of the story.

Week 23 - What are your feelings towards your in-laws?

Balance is an interesting thing that applies in all areas of life.  I think it is most commonly referred to in nutrition or food choice.  One area that I have come to understand moderation is important is in family as well.

One thing that drew me to Kelly was the Register family.  I remember as we were getting to know each other and then dating/courting we had numerous conversation about how I loved how close her family was.  Kelly and her sisters do everything together.  They talk nearly every day.  She does the same with her mom and her dad.  In the first month that Kelly and I knew each other, I think I met each and every one of her cousins, uncles, aunts, and grandparents multiple times.  After two months I could name most of them.  Not that there is only a few, we were just with them all that often.  There were monthly birthday parties, random gatherings, regular dinners, etc.

I remember loving this, because I want to have a close family.  I want my house to be the hang out spot.  I want to have my kids want to bring their friends to my house.  I think there is great strength in keeping a family close like that - maybe it is the micro manager in me coming out.

I don't recall growing up this way.  I do know that I felt comfortable at home.  I do remember having my friends over at our house multiple times.  Maybe it is as we have grown older that we have all gone our separate ways.  But, to contrast a little, in my family we don't get together that often.  I'd be surprised if I speak with my siblings once a month.  My parents who are on a mission in the Philippines have noted that since they left on their mission they feel like they speak more often with me.  I think we all know that we are there for each other if needed, but we function totally independent of each other.

Kelly and I have been married now for coming on six years.  I'd be lying if I said I still enjoyed all of the family gatherings.  Kelly would call me on it as well.  I've gone a little over the edge to where I think Kelly even dreads bringing up that there is another family gathering - its actually something I'm working on.

Moderation is just as important in family as it is in nutrition.  I can't say that I enjoy not ever seeing my brothers and sisters.  I miss them.  I don't dwell on missing them, but sometimes I just want to sit down and chat with them or give them a big brother hug.  At the same time, I can't say I enjoy getting together multiple times in a week with the Registers.  It is interesting how family dynamics are different. 

I love the Registers.  I've gained two crazy sisters.  One functions very similar to me, but she thinks quite a bit deeper that I do, the other is the bubbly outgoing person that loves everyone that I aspire to be.  Dad Register has a level of understanding of the Book of Mormon that I aspire to and he can keep up with this thirty something guy on a bike any day of the week at mid-50s.  I hope I can do that in twenty years from now.  Mom Register is not only a trooper, she is one of the most caring individuals I have met in my life. 

The Registers have filled in holes that were existing in my life.  They make me want to be a better brother, son, dad, and father.