Week 29 - What was your father like?

Dad was a quiet leader.  He was definitely the patriarch of the home.  Whether he took this role seriously, or it was just his personality could be debated.

Dad is one of those people who if you ask him to do something, you know it'll get done.  He best showed this in his work and church service.  Whether it was a work culture thing, or a personality thing, I'm not sure, but just like clock work, Dad would leave the house at 7:30 in the morning and would walk in the door at 5:30 p.m.  It was so dependable and predictable that you could set your clock by it.  I don't know if any of us really understand what Dad did for work, but we all have visited his office and we all knew he worked for the county.  I know Dad was a CPA and understood numbers and how they fit together on the books.  That about it.  Dad went to work every day and came home every night.  We always had food on the table and clothes on our bodies.

After the prophet, President Benson, came out and said we should be reading the Book of Mormon every day, that became part of our every day schedule.  Though it switched a few times, you could count on a knock on your door nearly every morning from Dad at 5:55 a.m. to get us up with a "Jeremy, it's time to read."  Again, it was like clock work.  If you drifted off to sleep, you could count on a little reminder coming from down the hallway a few minutes later when everyone was waiting.

Dad spent hours in church service.  He was always the ward clerk - always.  He'd be at church before us, and we'd see him as we walked into the building clicking away on the computer at the church.  Then, he'd be in the office counting tithing again after church as we walked out to say good-bye.  He was there at least one night during the week.  Sometimes Dad would get a phone call, talk for a few minutes, go into his room and come out with a white shirt and tie on.  He'd kiss Mom and walk out the door and be gone for a little while and come back.  Dad is the epitome of doing everything he is asked to do as asked.  You can count on him for anything.

I'm not sure if Dad knows how to do everything, or if he's really good at faking it.  Growing up you knew that if anything was wrong, you could go to Dad and he'd be able to fix it.  The neat thing about Dad fixing things is that he wouldn't just do it for you, he'd somehow teach you how to do it while he was fixing it.  This applied through something being physically broken, or spiritually broken.

Here's a story that I wrote for a book my siblings and I recently compiled of family stories.  This is one story I think of when I think of Dad knowing how to fix everything.

In high school my friends and I were involved in quite a few extra-curricular activities.  Looking back on it now, I don’t really know how we fit everything in.  I was involved in choirs, track and cross-country teams, sports games being the self-designated Super Royal Mascot with one of my friends and seminary council.  We really enjoyed our high school experience and made the most of it.

Dad made it possible for me to have a car in high school.  As I recall, he and mom bought me a car and I was responsible for taking care of it with gas and insurance.  I’m sure dad helped with all of those things as the jobs I carried in high school could have in no way covered all of those expenses and all of the extra-curricular activities I was able to participate in with my friends.

Dad and I spent quite a few hours with cars.  I don’t think either of us really knows what we are doing, but we had a fix-it manual and a garage that kept us out of the cold for the hours we spent fixing cars.  Dad even helped me in my quest to have great music capabilities in my car despite how loud I played my music in the car.  This experience in particular isn’t about fixing cars, but it sure ended up that way.

One night I had picked up one of my best friends, Tim Ashby.  We were headed up to what I remember to be a basketball game.  A few of our good friends were on the team, and it was the place to be.  We figured out all the tricks of getting up to the school quickly.  We had to cross a set of train tracks to get up there and it seemed like every time you went up you hit a train either on your way up, or way back, if not both ways.  Sometimes you got lucky and hit a train that would stop, another train that would go by, and then you’d have to wait for the stopped train to start going again.  Because of this, we got pretty tricky in our driving routes.

We had made it over the tracks on this particular night.  Tim and I were talking and listening to whatever music was on that night and flipping through the stations.  All of a sudden, the car jolted to the side, flipped around and we were stopped in the middle of the road turned nearly the wrong way.  I’m sure a few choice words were uttered.  Tim and I were both fine, and the car looked fine as well.  There was a set of headlights coming right at us so we put the car back in gear to get out of the way.  The car went in gear, but didn’t go anywhere.  So, I tried to put the car in gear again – nothing happened.

We got out of the car and walked around it to find that something was wrong with the front wheels and we also found a flat bed trailer that was parked on the side of the road.  It was one of those heavy-duty trailers with the big wheel wells that stick out of the side of them and apparently grab little white Chevy Nova’s that are driving down the road.  Either that, or I hadn’t noticed it because I was chatting and changing the channels on the radio (the latter would be the truth in this story).

Somehow, we got a hold of dad.  We didn’t have a cell phone, so I assume we either went to a house to call, or the police that showed up shortly after the accident called for us.  I remember being so nervous and scared.  I had done something to this car that Dad had purchased for me.  I was going to have to fix it.  I messed up someone’s trailer.  The police were going to ticket me.  I had no money.

The next part of the story is what really characterizes Dad.  He showed up all calm and collected.  I’m sure that all of Amy’s accidents had nothing to do with this – okay maybe a little bit.  He showed up, got a little bit of information, gave me the keys to his car and sent me on my way.  That’s all I remember.  He told me to have a good time at the game and we’d work things out when I got home.

I don’t really remember much more about this experience.  I do remember the time that Dad and I spent repairing that old Chevy Nova.  We took some time of our own, and we paid someone to help out with the difficult part.  The big thing I remember is leaving that experience knowing how much Dad cared for me.  He was worried about me, not the car.  He was also worried about making things right with the trailer owner.  For some reason, the police didn’t ticket me.  The trailer had been parked on the road in violation for parking there during the winter months or something like that.  But, Dad made things right with them.  Dad never got mad at me for wrecking the car he had spent his hard earned money on.  I knew we weren’t made of money, and I knew that him buying that car for me was a stretch.

Though he is a quiet person, Dad understands people.  I believe it is because he is a patient man that knows how to listen.  Dad was never quick to talk.  He rarely raised his voice.  Dad is a master of listening and helping someone come to their own solution for a problem without doing much more than nod his head.  I recall a few of these conversations when I could be guided to coming to my own solution that wasn't quite right.  Dad would let me try out the solution and figure out on my own that it wasn't the right thing to do.  I still haven't figured this out.  I, like a drill sergeant, bark out orders to my three-year-old and expect instant results.  I have little patients for disobedience to my command and rather than take the time to help my boys learn something, I just quickly do it myself.  I pray for the patience that my Dad has quite often - usually after a blow up at one of my boys.

Dad loves and honors Mom.  Dad always greeted and left Mom with a hug, kiss and pat on the bum.  There is only one time I recall fearing my Dad.  I was at home I think in high school.  Mom and I had had a heated conversation and I had sworn a few times calling Mom some not so nice names.  She immediately got Dad on the phone.  I did not want to pick up the phone when Mom handed it over to me.  Dad was very patient with me and I knew he was disappointed and most likely furious, but he didn't show it and he spoke very calmly with me that we'd chat when he got home.  That didn't really make the fear inside of me any better, but I have a lot of respect for Dad's ability to hold his tongue. 

Week 28 - What was your mother like?

I've written quite a bit about Mom in other posts.  The stories from other posts are probably the best way to describe her.  But, to put a little more down in the books, we'll see where this goes.

Mom could be well described as a mother hen.  A mother hen watches over her little chicks.  She teaches them how to gather food, she teaches them where to sleep at night, she shows them where safety is.  A mother hen also protects her little chicks, whether it be clucking up a storm to scare something away, or gathering up her chicks and getting them to safety.   A mother hen stands between her chicks and anything that could harm them. 

This goes off the subject a little bit, but Kelly told a story the other night to our friends that reminded me of Mom.  She had some friends that had a Weimaraner dog.  It was the most playful fun dog to have around, if the dog knew who you were.  Anytime anyone came around that the dog didn't know, it could be the scariest animal around.  If Kelly would go over to this friends house to play the dog would always be at the door when she arrived.  The dog would let her in without any problem.  However, if Kelly brought over a friend or someone the dog didn't know, the dog would actually get in the way and prevent the person from coming into the house, until the dog was told it was ok.  Other times if Kelly and the other kids were playing in the front yard or at a park and the dog was there, it would be very playful with the kids.  If anyone would walk by the house, even just walking down the sidewalk or on the other side of the road, the dog would put itself between the person and the kids.  I guess that actually makes Mom more like a watchdog than a mother hen.

It was Mom's sole purpose to raise up kids that were good productive people. Whether that was to avoid embarrassment from what we might say or do, or because she wanted kids that could take care of her and Dad when they got old is still up in the air.  This started at the home with teaching us how to work.  I wrote this talk a few weeks ago for Mother's Day in sacrament meeting.  I think it describes Mom and her mom well.

Mother’s Day Talk – May 13, 2012

Influence of a Righteous Woman – M. Russell Ballard; April 2012 General Conference

“Sisters, we, your brethren, cannot do what you were divinely designated to do from before the foundation of the world.  We may try, but we cannot even hope to replicate your unique gifts.  There is nothing in this world as personal, as nurturing, or as life changing as the influence of a righteous woman.”

Today, I want to tell you about how the influence of some righteous women has changed my life.

My mother was born 50 some odd years ago in a small farming suburb of Ogden, Utah – Wilson.  He dad was some kind of a property developer.  He managed some mobile home parks and worked with quite a few other people to develop properties.  His wife, my grandma Hill was in her forties when they got married.  She was very independent lady.

Grandma grew up in an even more rural suburb of Logan – Millville, Utah.  She was a farm girl and grew up living a frugal farm life through the depression.  As a kid, it was fun to go back to the area she grew up to visit our cousins that were super-country folk.  They were straight out of the movies it seemed.  They spoke with a drawl had crazy teeth and were what I assumed was real life redneck, but hard-working farmers.  I felt like a total city slicker going to visit the – myself growing up in the booming metropolis of Roy, Utah. 

Grandma Hill, just like some of the animals she probably had on her farm growing up, was a stubborn lady.  She had her ways and that was how things were done.  As non of my mother’s siblings were around when I was growing up, we got to spend a lot of time over at grandma’s house helping out.  She lived on quite a few acres of farmland.  She had sheep, at least an acre of garden, probably close to that of grass, and when shoveling snow it felt like ten times that much in pavement to shovel.  My grandpa died when I was really young and my grandma decided to stay in the huge house they had built on that huge piece of property.  There was plenty of work to do.  The perks of this as a boy were limited, but I did get to learn to drive the tractor when I was far too young to even reach the pedals. 

Grandma to me was a little odd.  She at weird things like overly boiled spinach with lemon juice on it for flavor, super-pickled beets, and oatmeal with crunchy husks and raisins.  Grandma’s house smelled funny.  She held on to everything and had little piles and stashes around her house that she would “putter around” through which meant move from place-to-place.

Grandma went to the temple multiple times each week.  Not only was she a temple worker, she went to the temple to do her own family history work on top of it.  To prepare for her visits, she spent multiple hours each week doing camily history work.  Now that I understand what that is, I imagine her rail little body sitting ina chair pouring through microfilms with her failing eyesight and weak little hands.  Grandma served faithfully as a visiting teacher.   I remember her talking about going to take care of the “poor old sisters in her ward that needed some help” wondering to myself how someone as old as her that needed so much help herself could provide anyone any help.

I know my grandma had a testimony of the Savior and of His restored gospel found in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Yes, she had a messy house.  Yes, I think she was really quirky.  Yes, she did things a weird way.  But, I know she loved the Lord and she followed Him.  She lived her quirky life in a way that I never doubted it.  In fact, to this day, I wonder how personal of an experience she had with our Savior.  Because of her, my testimony in our Savior grew – and I have learned that someone could have a personal relationship with Him.

My mother, the product of this quirky woman, has quite a few quirks herself.  I’m sure these are all a product of her upbringing.

Mom grew up on the huge farm I mentioned with the sheep, huge garden and huge lawn to mow.  She also grew up with a mother that still remembered the depression and canned like she had to feed an army for years.  This made it normal for my mom to want a huge garden at her own home with a huge fruit room to store it all after it was put up and preserved.  Mom was a canning champion.  And she had a fleet of children to help her with the labor.  All summer long, after scripture reading at 6:00 a.m., we’d head out to the garden to weed, water, or pick the rows and rows of beans, peas, corn, tomatoes and whatever else was back on that huge section of our yard.  It was fortuitous that mom had this inside of her.  While dad had a great job, raising five kids is no cheap endeavor and we lived quite frugally.  Mom made sure her army of gardeners was properly fed each day and most of the meals growing up came from the very bottles and #10 cans that we had picked out of our own garden.

I think to mostly to run away from the cluttered house that she grew up in, my mom became affectionately referred to by her children as “the clean freak.”  We had chore charts for every day of the week, lists of how to clean each room in the house posted somewhere in its respective room, and a friendly competition each week between kids to see who could score the highest on mom’s bedroom inspection.  All these things had to be done before any type of luxury was enjoyed – like going to a friend’s house.

Mom knew Satan was real and I think she has a great fear of him.  More a fear of what Satan could do to her children than of him.  It actually would be quite the battle to see mom go head to head with Satan, because she has the same bull-headed stubbornness of her mother.  She won’t let anything get between her and her children.  I remember coming home from my mission and having most of my collection of music gone.  Mom had gone through my collection and done a cleansing to prepare for my return.  There was no tolerance for things that would pull us away from the gospel.  Mom was well aware that Satan was cunning and would use various ways to get at her children and she would have none of it.  There was also no tolerance for disrespect of her or of anyone else for that matter.  If something ever happened than dad was called at work and that was definitely bad news.  I don’t know why we all thought that was bad news because dad is one of the most even-kill people you’ll ever meet in your life.

Mom was also a cheerleader.  Mom did everything she could to get me to learn piano – just like all her other kids.  After all my kicking and screaming, and 12 years of lessons, we came to an agreement where I could quit piano lessons as soon as I passed off all of the hymns in the hymnbook to my dad.  I remember it crushed my mom to have one of her kids drop out.  It was like taking one of her dreams and stomping all over it. But, mom kept on.  I wanted to drop out so I could pursue being a super-star runner.  Taking time for piano was cramping my training.  Mom, ever though I don’t think she ever understood cross-country or track, became the biggest cheerleader a track team has ever known.

One last story,

I remember one race in particular that I always tell about myself - then in thinking about it, it’s really about Mom.  A lot of people don’t run in bad weather.  But, our team ran in rain, sleet, snow, extreme cold, heat wave, monsoon, whatever.  It was a rare occasion that workouts were changed much because of the weather.  It was also a rare occasion that track or cross-country meets were canceled because of weather.  This particular event was a biggie, so there was no way it was canceling - the City County meet.  This event was always held on a Saturday morning and included all schools in the county regardless of their class level.

On this particular morning, we had gotten an early cold front.  We knew it was going to be cold.  While warming up it was a little rainy, but we were used to that.  As we came out to start the race, you could see your breath.  We walked over to the start line in our normal fashion.  I remember this particular morning I actually felt a little bad for the other teams.  We let them into the hallways in the school because it was so cold.  But, we had all the nice accommodations of the home team with our locker room, bathrooms, showers, etc.  As I looked over at the starting line, there was Mom in her normal place on the other side of the chain link fence.  She was cheerleading as usual, yelling some words of encouragement that I couldn’t really make out.

The gun went off and we took off running.  It was just a normal race, but really cold.  We made our first loop around the baseball field, then all hell broke loose.  The clouds cracked, it was no longer a little rain coming down and the rain was turning more into snow.  As we kept running the course, it just got colder and colder and it rained harder and harder.  I remember coming across behind the school starting the second lap, preparing to go down the big hill to Sandridge Junior High School that the rain actually felt like it turned into big frozen rocks - not hail ROCKS.  After the fact it was probably a good thing because it took my mind off the pain of running and brought it to, “I’ve gotta get done so I can get out of this storm!”  It was nuts.  Just then I looked up and Mom was still in her spot number two, at the top of the hill just beyond the fence.  She was screaming her guts out and clapping like no other just like it was any other race.

The storm didn’t let up.  I finished the last lap and coming up the hill before dropping into the stadium.  Mom was still there screaming and cheering.  I finished the race.  I think I actually did pretty good and got some made up award for the freshmen participating in the race.  But, all that aside all I remember from that race was the weather and it was crazy.  Mom was there.

I don’t know if Mom understood Cross-Country.  I don’t know if she even cared.  But, she cared about me and she was there to support me.  I knew that Mom loved me and was there to help me pursue my dreams.  She was there at every race that I can remember rain, shine or everything the heavens had to offer on a crappy day.

Mom wasn’t perfect.  In fact, as a kid I really had a hard time with her and the way she ran her household.  But, I knew she loved me.  I knew when I had a bad day I could come home and someone would be there for me to talk with me.  I didn’t take advantage of the talking too much, but I did absorb the love and peace that my mom created in our home.  I know mom got frustrated quite a bit.  I also know that I caused quite a bit of that frustration.  Mom wanted to be the perfect mom with the perfect kids.  But, she wasn’t perfect.

We all want to be better in some way.  It is deeply rooted inside of us to become like our Heavenly Father.  We will make it – eventually.  That is the key.  The Kodak moments we often refer to and see depicted around us are just that, Kodak moments.  The reason they are so cool is because they don’t happen all day every day.  They are what we all want, what we shoot for, the ideal.  We all have them every once in a while.  There are so many other moments in between that aren’t captured on film though.  Brothers and Sisters, we can make it if we rely on Him like I know my mother and grandmother did and do.

Rely on Him

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, April 1997 General Conference

“Rely on Him.  Rely on Him heavily.  Rely on Him forever.  And ‘press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope.’  You are doing God’s work.  You are doing it wonderfully well.  He is blessing you and He will bless you even – no especially – when your days and your nights may be the most challenging.  Like the woman who anonymously, meekly, perhaps even with a little hesitation and embarrassment, fought her way through the crowd just to touch the hem of  the Master’s garment, so Christ will say to those who worry and wonder and sometimes weep over their responsibility, ‘be of good comfort, they faith hath made thee whole.’”

Brothers and Sisters little by little we will make it.  We aren’t perfect.  That’s not the plan.  The plan is to do the best we can and have our Savior make up the rest for us, and we’ll make it – eventually.  May God bless us all in our pursuit.  I love you.

Week 27 - Describe your honeymoon.

After taking off from the temple in Salt Lake City, we dropped by Cuttler's cookies in Centerville and grabbed some sandwiches and cookies to celebrate.  Then we headed straight up to Logan.

We stayed at the Anniversary Inn for the night and headed up to Afton, Wyoming for the rest of the week.  I think we got out each day for a hike or quick trip to Jackson, but that was about it.  We both had a much needed get away from work, family and planning a wedding to be with each other. 

I learned most about music that Kelly enjoyed as we dug through our cases of CDs.  I learned that we both enjoyed nature-type programs as there was only one movie in the house we stayed in that was some nature film.  I learned most that we were both happy with a simple life.  We didn't worry about extravagance.  I think we both knew that we could find pleasure in life without the bells and whistles that are sometimes deemed necessities.

We spent time at Cottonwood Lake and on a hike up to a natural spring in the foothills of Afton.  While we've only been back once since then, it remains one of the most beautiful places around - with some of the best water coming from that spring.

So, this is a short post.  But, in a nutshell that's about it - without writing a love novel that nobody wants to read, or should be reading for that matter.  It was the first week of Kelly and my life together.  We have had numerous vacations and times together since that time.  I'm happy to say that, while our honeymoon was a wonderful time together, things have only gotten better.  Our honeymoon was a mere start to the wonderful eternal relationship that we have together.

Week 26 - Describe your wedding day.

I believe that it is traditional to describe your wedding day as the best day of your life.  That is not completely accurate from my perspective.  While our wedding day was a wonderful, beautiful day, our days together have gotten much better as time rolls on.  True, there are some crazy days in there that either drag on forever, or have you at your wits end, but it is great to have a companion that you can count on and grow to love more and more each day.  It is wonderful to be able to plan a future and know who it will be with.

So, with that said, our wedding day was great.  As mentioned in a few previous posts, Kelly and I bought our home a month or so before we were married.  When all was said and done it was probably only a few weeks before we were married that we actually owned the home.  I moved in those few weeks leading up to our marriage and we spent quite a bit of time cleaning the home and preparing it to be ours.  I remember that we had to scrape quite a bit of lead paint from the garage and repaint it before we could close on the house.  There was a whole lot of cleaning to be done.  Everyone came in over conference weekend and helped us out quite a bit cleaning up and moving things in. 

The night before our wedding Kelly brought everything down for our honeymoon and we moved most of her stuff in.  We didn't want to worry about having to run around gathering everything up before we left on our honeymoon and we wanted to be able to just come home and be home without having to check in with our families.  We planned our wedding celebration accordingly.  We had a dinner the night before at Em's Cafe on Capitol Hill in Salt Lake City.  We had our wedding ceremony on our wedding day and then we had a reception a week or so later.

So, on our wedding morning Kelly came and picked me up around 9:00 a.m.  We packed up the car with all of our honeymoon clothes, food, etc.  We went down to the Salt Lake Temple and parked in the temple parking lot where we felt safe that nobody would "decorate" our car.  Our temple assigned sealer was Bro. Coombs.  The ceremony was excellent.  Kelly and I have had numerous opportunities to go back and perform sealings to totally remember the promises that were given to us.  One of my favorite times of the day was sitting in the Celestial Room with Kelly for a few minutes leading up to our ceremony.  This continues to be one of my favorite things to do - sit in the celestial room with Kelly just pondering about whatever.

After our ceremony, we changed and met up in the basement of the temple before heading out for pictures.  I walked down the hallway to the waiting area and there Kelly was with a bunch of other grooms waiting for their new wives.  It was kind of funny and gets brought up everyone once in a while that I'm the high maintenance one in the relationship.  This is also one thing that I love about Kelly.  She is fine with who she is.  She is naturally beautiful and while she gets made up for special occasions and is a total knock out, she is beautiful everyday even if she is walking around in her PJs, unshowered, and a little haggard from a sleepless night with the boys.  We got pictures all around the temple, then we went back in changed into our normal church clothes that we wore to the temple that morning.  We grabbed a sandwich from Cutler's in Centerville and drove up to Logan. 

We'll stop here in the story where next week's story is about our honeymoon.

Week 25 - How long was your engagement? Write about any trials during this time. Write about preparations for the wedding.

As I mentioned in last week's post (yesterday), Kelly and I were engaged for two months.  Kelly and I were both in a situation where we were both ready to get married and once we chose each other to be married to we just made it happen. 

I'm not sure how it usually happens, but Kelly and I pretty well took care of all of the arrangements.  We decided to change all of the things we thought were customary that we didn't necessarily like and do things our way, because it was our day.  This did cause some inconvenience for some of our family members that didn't live near the Salt Lake Temple, but it was our day.


Kelly was working odd shifts at Primary Children's Medical Center at the time.  She'd work some days and some nights.  That is just how they did it on the surgical floor where where she was working as a nurse.  This made for some interesting planning sessions.  We sent quite a few emails back and forth.  Kelly only worked three days a week, but they were odd hours and 12-hour shifts.  This meant that though she might only work three days, she would be recovering another few days.  If it was after a night shift she'd sleep through the day and then try to get herself back on a normal schedule for the next shift. Why they allowed the nurses to work this way I do not know.  You'd think they'd have them either work night or day shifts, but it wasn't that way.  It actually ended up causing Kelly to have some weird heart rhythms a few years after we were married to the point that she quit working at Primary's even though she loved it there.

These odd shifts and odd hours of togetherness made for some interesting times and I think caused quite a bit of anxiety inside of Kelly.  As we were courting and spending every waking hour together that we could and then fitting in sleep between these weird schedules, Kelly had some rough times.  I know her dad helped out quite a bit and she spent quite a bit of time in the temple.  For some reason, I didn't experience any of this and I was pretty calm and supportive through the whole thing.  Kelly might tell you otherwise, but that's how I remember it.  I don't recall this causing any question on if we'd get married, it was more just anxiety of that we were going to get married and it was for real.

Kelly and I made most of the arrangements for our wedding. We picked out a little quaint diner that one of my work friends had told me about for our wedding dinner.  Everyone that was invited to our ceremony and a few other family members were invited to the dinner at Em's Cafe on Capitol Hill.  There was seating for about 50 people and we had the place packed.  We arranged for our flowers from a little floral shop in Sugarhouse.  They took excellent care of us.  We decided to only do the ceremony on our wedding day as we wanted to enjoy the day.  Everyone we had spoken to did the wedding and luncheon and a reception on one day and they were worn out at the end of the day.  After the mid-morning ceremony, we did pictures with everyone that was there and a few of just us, then we left town for our honeymoon in Logan, Utah and Afton, Wyoming.  We did a reception at our home a week or so later after we returned.


That brings up another interesting thing as far as wedding preparations go.  We both we pretty established in good jobs with our undergraduate degrees completed.  We both didn't want to rent, so we also decided we'd be buying a house in those few months as we prepared for a wedding.  This wasn't really a stressful thing, though I'm sure there was more stress than I remember.  The biggest thing was we knew the type of neighborhood we wanted to live in and we thought we knew the only neighborhoods that existed.  The tough part was that those neighborhoods were all well out of our price range.  I remember after browsing through most of the neighborhoods at $400k and $500k homes that were two and three bedrooms homes we both were a little frustrated.  We actually came across a small home in the mid $300s that we were set on figuring out that if we both stayed employed full-time we'd be able to make it happen.  That's when reality set in and we were able to come back to Earth and realize that we wanted Kelly to be at home with our kids when they came into the picture and we didn't want to be strapped to something that would keep us that tight.

It was near a miracle when we drove up 1200 South in Bountiful one night.  We were both talking.  Mid-sentence we both stopped.  I stopped the car in the middle of the road.  I got out of the car and grabbed a flier in front of a for sale by owner home.  It was a tiny home with huge trees and it was so cute.  I don't recall if we ever pulled the car out of the road, but we looked through the windows and as we were on the phone with the person selling it, told him we'd give him what he was asking.  It was so perfect.  It wasn't scary at all.  Whether it came from shock of all of the other homes we had seen than finding this one at under half the price, or if it was where we needed to be it doesn't matter.  Everything worked out perfectly and smooth just as our relationship had done.

So, there you have it.  Met, engaged, married, bought a home in four months time.  Crazy, eh.  Crazy, but perfect.  I think this is the type of fairy tale that should be in a book someday.  Forget all the drama that Hollywood thinks we need to have in our lives, this is for real.

Week 24 - When did you know you were going to marry your spouse? How did you get engaged?

It is times like these that I wish I kept a regular journal.  Now, it seems like Kelly and I have always been together and we have always have had two little boys.  It is difficult to remember life without her.  I frequently recall time of my life when Kelly is just added into the story, even though I had no idea who she when when those experiences happened to me.  It just seems like all good things happen with her, and during the sad times of my life, she was the one that helped me.  I don't know if this happens for everyone, but it has become that way for me.

I do recall figuring out pretty past that Kelly and I were going to be together forever.  From the moment of our first meeting we were inseparable.  While it took a few weeks to actually be able to get on a date with her without her sisters in tow,  it took about that same time period for both of us to know that we'd be getting married.

I don't recall any specific incident that sticks out in my mind as the moment that I knew I'd be marrying Kelly.  As I've mentioned in some other posts, it took me a lot of learning from other dating experiences to get to the level where I was ready for Kelly.  I apparently had a lot to learn.  In all of those other experiences I always had some reservations or red flag come up.  Don't get me wrong, I dated quite a few really neat people.  Fortunately for me I was directed away from them for one reason or another.  Some reasons never quite made sense until I met Kelly.

Kelly was everything I had ever wanted in a spouse and more.  In my previous dating experiences I had quite a few people tell me that I was crazy breaking up with someone for one reason or another.  I was told numerous times that I shouldn't be holding out for a miracle or that nobody was perfect and I shouldn't expect that in anyone I was dating.  I didn't feel like I was ever expecting perfection.  I realized that myself being quite imperfect I couldn't expect that.  I also realized that I had done quite a few things in my life to get to a certain level and I shouldn't have to settle for someone who hadn't done the same. 

When Kelly came along there were no red flags - ever.  No hesitations - ever.  No wondering what if this happens - ever.  I know that Kelly experienced some anxiety over our relationship, but it never caused one bit of hesitation in my mind.  From the get go everything was right and it stayed that way.  Every experience we had together increased my love for her and desire to be with her more.  Things got pretty ridiculous with the hours we spent together.  Kelly was working crazy hours at Primary Children's Medical Center and I was working normal hours at AlphaGraphics in Layton.  Kelly would get of a crazy 12-hour night shift and crash for a few hours, then we'd get together for a few hours after I got off work before she'd have to go back.  After a few night shifts in a row, Kelly would have to crash for a while to recover and we just made things work.

We both knew we'd be getting married after dating for only a few weeks.  We both were pretty established so it ended up being fairly easy.  We had a conversation one night that was very simple.  We both knew we wanted to be together forever, so we decided to just make it happen.  Two months after we met we were formally engaged.  I proposed to Kelly on the top of the hill at Temple Square in Salt Lake City on the north-east side of the Conference Center near the gates to the gardens on the top of the Conference Center.  We had found a ring that she liked and I had ordered it in from a shop that I had done some design work for.  I don't recall why we were at temple square that night.  We had probably gone out to dinner like we did quite often back then.  We loved to try new restaurants - we still do, but our finances are directed to other places now.  We probably were just going for a walk.  Even though Kelly knew we were going to get married and I wasn't really popping the question, I was super nervous.  I wanted to make it a special occasion and it never really felt like it was going to be, so after walking around for a while and sweating on the box with her ring in it quite profusely, we just stopped and I knelt down and asked her.  Right there on Main Street with cars rolling by and other people all around.  I'm glad she still said yes, because I probably embarrassed her a bit.

Two months later we were married in the Salt Lake City Temple.  I'll stop here, because if I recall, the next blog post asks me to tell more of the story.

Week 23 - What are your feelings towards your in-laws?

Balance is an interesting thing that applies in all areas of life.  I think it is most commonly referred to in nutrition or food choice.  One area that I have come to understand moderation is important is in family as well.

One thing that drew me to Kelly was the Register family.  I remember as we were getting to know each other and then dating/courting we had numerous conversation about how I loved how close her family was.  Kelly and her sisters do everything together.  They talk nearly every day.  She does the same with her mom and her dad.  In the first month that Kelly and I knew each other, I think I met each and every one of her cousins, uncles, aunts, and grandparents multiple times.  After two months I could name most of them.  Not that there is only a few, we were just with them all that often.  There were monthly birthday parties, random gatherings, regular dinners, etc.

I remember loving this, because I want to have a close family.  I want my house to be the hang out spot.  I want to have my kids want to bring their friends to my house.  I think there is great strength in keeping a family close like that - maybe it is the micro manager in me coming out.

I don't recall growing up this way.  I do know that I felt comfortable at home.  I do remember having my friends over at our house multiple times.  Maybe it is as we have grown older that we have all gone our separate ways.  But, to contrast a little, in my family we don't get together that often.  I'd be surprised if I speak with my siblings once a month.  My parents who are on a mission in the Philippines have noted that since they left on their mission they feel like they speak more often with me.  I think we all know that we are there for each other if needed, but we function totally independent of each other.

Kelly and I have been married now for coming on six years.  I'd be lying if I said I still enjoyed all of the family gatherings.  Kelly would call me on it as well.  I've gone a little over the edge to where I think Kelly even dreads bringing up that there is another family gathering - its actually something I'm working on.

Moderation is just as important in family as it is in nutrition.  I can't say that I enjoy not ever seeing my brothers and sisters.  I miss them.  I don't dwell on missing them, but sometimes I just want to sit down and chat with them or give them a big brother hug.  At the same time, I can't say I enjoy getting together multiple times in a week with the Registers.  It is interesting how family dynamics are different. 

I love the Registers.  I've gained two crazy sisters.  One functions very similar to me, but she thinks quite a bit deeper that I do, the other is the bubbly outgoing person that loves everyone that I aspire to be.  Dad Register has a level of understanding of the Book of Mormon that I aspire to and he can keep up with this thirty something guy on a bike any day of the week at mid-50s.  I hope I can do that in twenty years from now.  Mom Register is not only a trooper, she is one of the most caring individuals I have met in my life. 

The Registers have filled in holes that were existing in my life.  They make me want to be a better brother, son, dad, and father.

Week 22 - How did you meet your spouse?

It took me long time to find Kelly and I had to go through quite a bit of heartache to get there.  I really wanted to move on with my life right after I got home from my mission.  The trouble was, I wasn't quite ready for Kelly.

After my mission, I ended up staying home for a few months and starting my education at Weber State University.  I had quite a bit of exploring to do while at college.  Luckily the course came through that focused my study early enough that made it so I didn't have to backtrack too much with my education.  I sailed through Weber State and my undergraduate degree in a little over three years.  During that time I dated a number of young ladies, a few of which I thought I was going to marry.  For one reason or another, I was led away from them, even though they were great young ladies and could have been great spouses and mothers.  This got to be quite frustrating.

I attended a ward for students while I was at Weber State University. I was given quite a few opportunities to serve in different areas in the church during this time.  It gave me some great experience and understanding of how the organization of the church works.  I also met some great lifelong friends - mostly mentors who have served to shape my life or as examples of how to live the gospel.  I was also able to attend quite a few different institute classes that helped me to better understand the doctrines of the gospel.  This opportunity to learn, study and practice the gospel with only the obligations of school and work were very beneficial to me and the shoring up the foundation of the person that I am today.

After I graduated from school, I was quite sure what to do next.  I knew I needed to find a wife and start a family, but it wasn't like I hadn't been trying to do that.  I found an excellent job for developing my skills as a graphic designer in the print industry.  While it paid substantially less than most of my friends were making right out of college, it served as a place not only to develop those skills, but to watch another great mentor in my life in how he balanced work and family as well as ran the business.  I worked for the print company for right around five years.  I was given opportunities to take on various responsibilities throughout the shop and - though I had no title for it - I felt like I was the right hand man in the shop.  This gave me a great understanding of the entire print industry and helped me understand my role as a designer in that industry.  This has served me well as I moved on to other employment.  While working at the print shop I also took on starting my own graphic design business.  I noticed a gap in the wedding industry where people wanted custom wedding announcements and my boss gave me the opportunity to work doing these projects on the side while continuing to work in his shop.  Having a design business on the side has also served my family well later in life.

These years after graduation all served to be quite frustrating.  Not only did the frustration come from within from wanting to be married, it came from outside quite often as well.  It seems like there are a few levels in life were the pressure to be married is heightened; after a mission is one and after graduating from college is another.  While this was all going on, these years also served as a great spiritual training ground for me.  I was given multiple other opportunities to serve in various leadership callings in the church.

After only a few months of being at home after my mission, I ended up moving into a house up near Weber State with a few friends of some of my friends.  These young men ended up being some of the best friends I've had in my life.  They are all great men and served as role models to me.  They also helped me through numerous tough spots in my life.  We were all in the same place in life, dealing with the same frustrations.  While it was good to talk with a brother, sister, or parents on some of the frustrations I was dealing with, these young men became my confidants and help through many of my frustrating times during these years.

I continued to attend the student wards up at Weber State.  I was able to serve with three different bishoprics during this time.  After graduating there was a small change in how I felt about the student wards - I think they felt that way about me as well.  I felt more like a  caretaker or big brother to the students that were coming into the ward.  I continued dating, but it wasn't really the same.  I had a small group of friends, mostly my roommates that were all in the same boat as me and we all took on the role together.  Our home was the place that the students in our ward would come for refuge.  They'd come to hang out, but to feel like they were at home where someone could take care of them.  We'd have big barbeques, parties, or just times to hang out and be together talking with people.  Everyone was welcome at our home, even much to some of our dismay when we weren't home.  There were quite a few issues with seven guys coming and going, keeping the doors locked and quite a few of our friends ended up just coming over and taking up residence even when we were gone. 

During these years, I learned how to run a household and pay regular bills and ne responsible for payments that had to be on time.  I learned to live in a neighborhood where I wasn't under my parent's responsibility.  Some of those neighbors became great role models and still to this day, when I run into them in town or at the hospital, we catch up about how things are.

A few years after graduating and most of my good roommates getting married and moving out of our house of seven, I decided it was time to move on.  I had a friend that lived at a different house that felt the same and we both started looking for homes around the University of Utah.  He was considering pursuing a Master's degree and I had always wanted to do the same, so we looked there.  The main reason we both discussed was that we needed a new social scene.  We both were feeling the big brother mentality and were ready to move on.

My friend found a home a the top of the hills in Bountiful.  This ended up being quite nice, because I was nervous about commuting to Layton from Salt Lake City on the budget I was on working at the print shop - especially when I knew rent would be higher in Salt Lake.  The commute actually ended up being about the same as Salt Lake, because it took so long to get to the freeway from our home, but rent ended up being about the same as in Ogden because we lived in a home with five guys who shared the mortgage.  We attended one of the student wards at the University of Utah.

The first week we attended our church meetings we took note of all of the activities going on that week and met quite a few people.  My friend and I were both used to attending most every activity our wards put out there as we had both served in leadership responsibilities that required it.  The first week we attended the Family Home Evening, which was a whole ward activity at the Church History Museum on temple square.  When we got there I saw a few people I had met at church the day before and went to hang out with them.  That whole night I enjoyed meeting all kinds of new people, some of which I knew would be good friends.  Three of the people I met were the red-headed Register sisters - Kelly, Kayla and Katie.  They were fun, social girls that I knew would become good friends.

We didn't hang out together very long at the museum as I attended to my social butterfly duties, but after the museum as we all decided to go and get ice cream somewhere and were leaving, we walked out together.  I shouted to them across the way and we decided to drive together to the ice cream shop.  We all played well together and had a great time.  Katie even let me answer a phone call from a boy that she didn't really want to talk with anymore.  We had a fun discussion about what we liked to do and the foods we liked that night and we made plans to go to yoga the next morning together and then to dinner the night after that.

There were only a few days after that that I haven't been with the Registers - and only a few days that I haven't spoken with Kelly; not by my choice.  Kelly and I had a short courtship of four months and were married in the Salt Lake City temple.  We knew we were going to get married after only a few weeks.  We did have a few road blocks that we were able to work through in those four months, but everything worked out perfectly for us.  While it was a few frustrating years preparing for Kelly, I wouldn't change it for anything.  Kelly is a perfect match and spouse for me.  She is an excellent mother for our children.  She is a great friend and I love her.

Week 21 - What have you changed in comparison to the way your parents raised you?

I'm trying to figure out what my parents did to raise me.  If I could only figure out this key, I think I'd have it made.  It's funny how growing up you do everything the opposite of what your parents ask you to do, at least until you learn that what they are saying is actually right.  Then when you become a parent yourself, you can't remember what your parents did to teach you how to be a productive citizen of society.  It's almost like a new veil is put across your face when you become a parent and have your own little one to raise.  You have to figure it out for yourself all over again.

I'm sure plenty of people would say otherwise, but I think I turned out pretty good.  I've got a long way to go, but at least I realize that now and I understand that I make mistakes.  I also understand that I can fix those mistakes.  I often wonder what my parents did to get me to this point in my life.  As we push through one boy that is a crazy three-year-old, I wonder how we will ever get him to be a productive member of society-let alone a person that can be obedient to a few simple rules.  I guess it is simply said, we all learn line upon line and precept upon precept.

While I could go through a list of things I think Kelly and I are changing in the way we raise our boys from how we were raised.  I don't really remember how I was raised at the young ages we are encountering right now, so it may not be different at all.  At the same time, some of the ideas we have as far as raising our boys change as we go along.  For example, we thought we'd never use a binky.  That lasted about a month or so with our first boy.  Then, we became big fans of anything that would help the boy stop crying.  Binky worked - binky was reinstated into our way of raising children.  Another idea was that we'd never have our kids eat fast food.  On a vacation one time we stopped at a burger joint and Ivin fell in love with burgers, fries and especially root beer.  It is now a special family outing to go and get a bag of burgers, fries and some root beer.

I think we try to feed our boys a little better than some of the out of the box food I remember having growing up, but who knows what will actually happen as we have more kids.  With only two kids getting dinner together is such a crazy chore.  It is understandable why we ate out of the box growing up.  We'll see what happens as we have more children.

Week 20 - How did your parents discipline you?

I've wondered quite a bit about how mom and dad disciplined me now that I am raising kids of my own.  Not too many things stick out, but I do know that I wanted to be good.  I don't know that I feared my parents, but I do know that I did not want to disappoint them.  I recall often thinking, "if I do this, dad will be disappointed.  So, I won't do it."  It was kind of the "what would Jesus do" thought I guess.  I don't think that my parents were perfect.  In fact,  I knew that they weren't perfect.  I knew that they made mistakes and it seems like we talked about that.  I understood that it was ok to make mistakes, but that you had to repair the damage done when you did make a mistake.

Every morning during the school year, at 6:00 a.m., or just before, Mom or Dad would come and knock on our doors to wake us up.  Sometimes there was a whistle of sorts, or a gentle "time to read" reminder.  We sat together reading the scriptures for 15-20 minutes and then it was go time.  Mom would get breakfast going and all the kids would take turns getting showered and ready for school.  Amy and Jason would be at a mad dash to get out the door first for school, then the rest of us would follow.

During the summer, the early mornings did not stop.  In fact, after a few weeks, I think some of us thought it'd be better to be in school.  The 6:00 a.m. might have slid to 6:30 a.m., but I don't recall.  After scripture study in the summer we'd be out in the garden making rows, planting, weeding, watering and harvesting all of the vegetables in the garden.  After that, if we were harvesting we'd spend a few hours cutting beans, shelling peas or helping Mom otherwise prep for preserving the food we'd harvested.

Learning to read music was another thing.  Music was very important in our family.  Each child was to learn to read music and play the piano.  While all of the kids put up some kinds of battle against practicing the piano, I'm pretty sure I was the worst.  I didn't enjoy piano in the least bit.  Mom would battle with each of us kids each day to get in our 30 minutes of practicing.  I'm just now realizing this, but with five kids, that makes a lot of battling each day.  This was so important to Mom that we couldn't settle for any piano teacher.  We went to Mrs. Pierce up in East Ogden each week for our lessons.  This made quite the chore for Mom, but also quite the afternoon.  We knew that that day each week we would be picked up from school and driven up to Mrs. Pierce's house and we'd be there for our 30 minute lesson.  Mrs. Pierce was a saint.  We all loved her and she loved us.  She was a great teacher and took us through all of the mechanics of piano.  This didn't stop in junior high for most of the kids.  I put up a stink and finally my ninth grade year (we started taking lessons around age five it seems like) I was able to come to an agreement with Mom and Dad that I could quite taking piano lessons if I would pass off all of the hymns in the Hymn Book to Dad.

Mom was a stickler for a clean house.  She grew up living in a not-so-clean house and I think her desire for a clean house stemmed from that.  We had job lists posted in each room.  These lists described the tasks that were required to properly clean that room.  It included step-by-step instructions of how to complete each of those tasks.  Each child was assigned a room to take care of as part of his/her weekly chores.  In addition to the chores, each child was responsible to keep their room up to Mom's cleanliness standards.  Each week, we completed a list of tasks in preparation for Mom's room inspection.  She'd come through each week with a checklist of things that had to be completed in our rooms.  We were graded on each of those tasks and given a score on how clean our room was according to those standards.  The person with the highest score was given some kind of prize.  If you didn't complete the tasks to a certain percentage, you were asked to redo the tasks.  The only discipline included in these tasks was that you had no privileges whatsoever until the jobs were completed to Mom's approval.

I'm not sure there was ever any discipline around eating.  But, I know we were asked to eat everything on our plate.  One night in particular, Mom had made split-pea soup.  As I recall it, it was a slimy green mess with chunks of something in it and it smelled kind of funny.  I did not like split-pea soup - I do now for some reason (Mom would say my taste buds have matured).  I put up quite the stink on not eating it.  I sat there on my stool at the bar for hours until I finally gobbled the slimy mess down.  The kitchen had all been cleaned up and everyone had settled down for the night before I finally put it down.

Each child was given a night to complete the dinner dishes.  It was convenient that there were five kids.  I think on Saturday and Sunday everyone helped out for the most part.  Seems like someone was given Sunday off for some kind of reward - probably related to completing other chores the best that week.  As in all other areas of the room, in the kitchen there was also a list of tasks to complete and how to complete them to get the kitchen properly cleaned.

I don't recall every being disciplined as one would think of disciplining.  I know I received a few spankings and was sent to my room a few times.  I know that I was given limits and boundaries.  I don't recall any discipline that came when I disobeyed those boundaries.  For the most part, I think I was fairly obedient to my parents.  Though they might not have thought so when I was growing up, I had quite a bit of respect for my parents and I didn't want to disappoint them, though I can think of numerous time when I most likely did disappoint them.  Mom ran a house of order and Dad backed her up 100 percent.  I knew what was expected of me and I knew that I would be able to do mostly whatever I wanted if I completed those things. 

I also knew what our standards were.  It  was not acceptable to go outside of those standards.  Mom laid down the law with television and video games.  At one point we were allowed one show each week that we could watch.  That is one show.  Not the same show each day of the week, but one slot (30 minutes of programming) that we could watch.  We could share that with our brothers and sisters, but outside of that the television was off.  It was quite similar with video games, though I don't recall what the standard was set to on the games.  These things fell behind homework and the previously mentioned chores.  If you didn't have your jobs done before your chosen program came on, you'd miss out on the program for that week - no exceptions.

When Mom thought that something was in line with the gospel standards that we were taught, she'd step in and fix it.  Sometimes there was a prodding that helped us fix it, other times she just took care of cleaning her house while we were gone during the day.  I recall coming home from my mission and having most of my music collection being missing.  I looked around my boxes for weeks, accused Ryan and Alisha of taking my things numerous times - I even looked through their rooms when they were gone.  I eventually found some of them under Mom's bed and I'm sure the others were properly disposed of.  Mom put up quite the defense line for her kids against the little ways that Satan tried to squeeze into our lives.  She wasn't very popular for it, but she knew it was right, so she did it.

Week 19 - Tell of a time when you were frightened. What did you do?

I'm afraid of quite a few things.  I have a fear of basements, the dark, outhouses, and especially heights. I'm not sure where all of these come from.  I do know that the outhouses thing came from a story that was told around the campfire when I was a young scout. I get quite a bit of vertigo whether it is walking across Angel's Landing or some other super high hike with sheer cliffs, or walking along the second story at the hospital or mall near the overlook to the floors below.  I freak out a little every time the lights are out and I'm walking up the stairs - I don't know why.  I've never really been a fan of night games - too many creepy movies where bad things happen in the dark, and haunted houses at Halloween are on the do not visit list.  Any combination these things like dark and outhouses only compounds the problem.

This story of me being frightened has nothing to do with any of those other fears though.  However, I was in the basement when it happened.  I don't quite recall how old I was when this happened, but I was living at home in the blue room (Jason's room) downstairs.  I was sleeping on the water bed, so I think that puts me in my mid-teen years.  Jason was probably on his mission at this time and I don't recall Amy being around either.  Maybe Jason was in Hawaii and Amy was just on her mission - who knows.  Either way, I was a teenager living at home.

I recall waking up one night in extreme pain.  My body just ached all over.  I didn't really know what it was so I think I tried to go to the bathroom, get a drink and then just go back to bed.  After a while of battling the pain and not being able to sleep it out, I had the distinct feeling that I was going to die.  Now, rather than run upstairs and wake Mom and Dad, or call 911 to get an ambulance over to the house, I decided to lay there for a while.  As this feeling that I was going to die kept coming over me, I decided to write my last words to everyone in my family.  Rather than just write one note, I wrote individual notes to everyone in my family.  I believe I even wrote to a few of my friends.  I must have been awake for hours writing these notes.  Then, I laid back down for the final rest of my life here on earth.  Funny thing, I woke up the next morning feeling fine.  The notes were still on my nightstand and I wasn't anywhere but here on Earth.

I don't recall if I ever gave those notes to anyone in my family, but I do recall hiding them away so that nobody would find them that day while I was at work or school.

I don't know why I had that experience, unless I was on one of my crazy food binges.  I used to feel that I could eat anything because I ran with the cross-country team every morning and night.  I now cringe at the thought of some of foods - and volumes of foods - that I used to put in my body.  I don't know why I had that impression.  There are a few things that I do know.  When I'm in my groove, I express my feelings better in writing than verbally.  I don't speak very well - funny coming from a guy that did his undergraduate work in Communication.  I have a deep respect for each member of my family.  That respect is for different qualities that they each have, none are the same.  I don't know if this came from me having to pause in my teenage life where I felt like the whole world revolved around me and face the fear of death, or from something else.

I have also come to not fear death as much as I used to.  This doesn't mean that I know have a reckless regard for life.  In fact it means quite the opposite.  I have a great respect for the life that we have been given.  I understand that it is not my life and that it can be taken at any time.  While I'm not anywhere near perfect, nor would I ever suggest such a thing (except in light-hearted sarcasm), I think this experience and quite a few others in my life have led me to do my best in the situations I encounter.  Quite regularly I have the thought of "how would I act in this situation if it were the last time I would encounter it."  This thought leads me to act quite different and think about the decisions I make.  If only this thought were constantly in my mind before I reacted in most situations.  Unfortunately, I am still a mortal and quite imperfect.  I react too quickly and without thought in too many situations.  I feel bad especially when this happens with my own children.  I pray regularly for the patients to overcome this weakness of mind and to develop some patience.  Maybe that is why I keep getting in situations that could be deemed patience builders.

Week 18 - Did any special events happen in your area of the world while you were growing up?

According to the history books, these are the important events that happened in my lifetime.  Some were close to us, others were far away.  I don't even recall some of these, but others have been mentioned throughout my life.  It is interesting how world events like these influence your life.  

With the way news spreads now, anything that happens in the world can become common knowledge in a matter of minutes.  It'll be interesting to see how that changes in the future.  Along with that, it is interesting how instead of it being local news that impacts a person, now world news impacts a person.  Things that happen around the world are now everyone's business instead of a person only knowing about things that happen in their little world.

I often find myself in the conundrum of whether it is important to keep up on current events.  I believe there are definite lessons we can try to learn from current events. I also think there is a benefit to being a little ignorant of the natural state of the world.  One the one hand, you could follow what the Prophet is doing.  I would have a hard time believing that he isn't very close to current events.  I'm sure the organization of the church has folks all around the world that are keeping the Prophet and the Brethren up on what is really happening around the world - not just media speak.  On the other hand, if you look at a principle taught in the Book of Mormon with Lehi's vision of the Iron Rod.  He spoke about a river of water.  Later in the story, his son Nephi after seeing the vision for himself spoke about the filthy water that represents the filth of the world.  One could assume that Lehi just didn't mention it, but I would also suggest that Lehi may not have noticed it because he was focused so much on the good things that were happening.  Either way, the conundrum goes on and I avoid television as much as I can, but listen to the news every morning on the way to work.  

Here is the list of events that have happened in my lifetime according to the books.  I could probably only pull out a handful of these on my own.

November 4, 1980 – Ronald Reagan elected president

December 8, 1980 - John Lennon Assassinated

June 6, 1982 - Israel invades Lebanon

January 28, 1986 - The Challenger Disaster

April 26, 1986 - The Chernobyl Disaster

November 9, 1989 - The Fall of the Berlin Wall

1991 - Collapse of the Soviet Union

1991 - Operation Desert Storm

1992 - Riots in Los Angeles After the Rodney King Verdict

1993 - World Trade Center Bombed

1994 - Nelson Mandela Elected President of South Africa

1994 - O.J. Simpson Arrested for Double Murder

1994 - Rwandan Genocide

1995 - Oklahoma City Bombing

1998 - U.S. President Clinton Impeached

1999 - The Euro the New European Currency

1999 - Fear of Y2K Bug

1999 - Killing Spree at Columbine High School

2000 - Unclear Winner in U.S. Presidential Election

April 8, 2001 - Tiger Woods becomes the first golfer to hold all four major golf titles simulteneously by winning the Master's tournament in Augusta, Georgia. 

September 11, 2001 - Islamic fundamentalist terrorists hijack four U.S. airliners and crash them into the Pentagon and the World Trade Center in New York City.

September 18, 2001 - Anthrax attacks by mail from Princeton, New Jersey against news and government targets begin. 

2001- Enron Bankruptcy

February 8, 2002 - Amid tight security due to terrorism concerns, the Winter Olympic Games are opened by President George W. Bush in Salt Lake City, Utah. 

February 1, 2003 - A tragedy at NASA occurs when the Space Shuttle Columbia explodes upon reentry over Texas.  All seven astronauts inside are killed.

March 19, 2003 - The War in Iraq begins with the bombing of Baghdad after additional measures and mandates from the United Nations and the United States coalition fail to gain concessions or the removal of Saddam Hussein from power.

December 13, 2003 - Saddam Hussein, former leader of Iraq, is captured in a small bunker in Tikrit by the U.S. 4th Infantry Division.

December 26, 2004 - The southeast Asian tsunami occurs following a 9.3 Richter scale earthquake in the Indian Ocean.  Two hundred and ninety thousand people die from Sri Lanka to Indonesia, creating one of the greatest humanitarian tragedies in history.  A worldwide relief effort, led by the United States and many other nations, is mobilized to assist.

July 24, 2005 - American cyclist Lance Armstrong wins his record 7th straight Tour de France.

July 26, 2005 - In the first Space Shuttle flight since the tragedy of 2003, Discovery goes into orbit on a mission that returns to earth safely on August 9.

August 29, 2005 - Hurricane Katrina strikes the Gulf Coast, inundating the city of New Orleans with water from Lake Pontchartrain when the levees that maintain the below sea level city break. 

February 22, 2006 - In a continuing shift of the retail industry to new platforms, the one billionth song is downloaded from the internet music store, Apple iTunes.

August 17, 2008 - Michael Phelps, the United States swimmer from Baltimore, wins his 8th Gold Medal of the Beijing Summer Olympic Games, surpassing the record of seven won by Mark Spitz.

January 20, 2009 - Barack Obama takes the oath of office for President of the United States, becoming the first African-American president in the history of the nation.

June 1, 2009 - The H1N1 virus, named the Swine Flu, is deemed a global pandemic by the World Health Organization.

October 31, 2009 - The economic recession continues to deepen as jobless claims climb above 10.0%, reaching 10.2% with October's monthly figures – despite a $780 billion economic stimulus package from Congress.

2009 - General Motors Declares Bankruptcy            

2011 - Osama Bin Laden Killed by US Forces

Week 17 - What experiences have taught you to trust in God?

In this blog I've already written about numerous experiences I have had that have taught me to trust in God.  Two that stand out the most are my mission experience and my dating and finally meeting Kelly experience.  Where there are these few stories that stand out as big experiences that have helped to craft my life, I believe it is the little things that teach a person whether it be trust in God or otherwise.

I have often be asked to help people train to become faster runners.  They always want to know what they have to do to take their running to the next level.  I think this is very difficult for me to explain because it is so simple.  Running competitively for six years and then training for fun for another 15 years on top of that now, it becomes second nature.  You learn how to push your body knowing that you will receive the desired results.  It is difficult to tell someone how they have to push their body.  You can give them times to run, distances to run, even ways to run those times and distances, but if they don't dig down inside and listen to and test their body's limits, they aren't going to improve. 

To me, learning or developing any characteristic is the same.  One of my favorite scriptures is in the 20th chapter of First Nephi in the Book of Mormon.  I this section of scripture we are taught that we are tried to see what we'll overcome.  When we overcome we are refined.  The verse says, "I refined thee in the furnace of affliction."  While affliction comes across as a very hard thing, I believe we experience affliction regularly through our lives.  It could be something as simple as getting mad at your friend or boss for something they said to you, or it could be something large like a terminal illness.  Each person receives individual "afflictions" from our Heavenly Father to help us learn about ourselves and in-turn learn about Heavenly Father.  It is through this we learn how to be like Him.  The purpose of mortal existence on Earth.

Some "afflictions" last merely seconds.  As we get better at overcoming a certain "affliction" it gets easier to pass through the "affliction."  Other "afflictions" can last years either through the difficulty of the "affliction" or our ability to learn the lesson our Father in Heaven is trying to teach us.

I believe that while these larger afflictions might leave a more lasting impression on our minds, that the smaller afflictions actually have more impact over time.  Think of a river carving out its riverbed into a deep canyon, or a rough rock becoming smooth from sitting on that same river bed year after year.

I believe that my love of watching people has helped me to learn how to trust in our Father in Heaven.  I love to have people around me.  I love to throw parties and barbeques to have people around me.  However, most of the time when people are with me I am watching them interact with everyone else, or listening to their conversations.   The experiences that others have shared with me, or the ways I have watched others deal with their afflictions has built an assurance inside of me that our Father in Heaven is there for us, to try us and to bless us.

Most of all my testimony of the gospel helps me to trust in Heavenly Father.  I know deep inside of me that the purpose of life is to leave our Heavenly Father and, having forgotten the time we were with Him before we came to Earth, learn to be like him.  The gospel of Jesus Christ provides the road map to accomplish such a task.  I know that the gospel of Jesus Christ is here on the Earth and that its entirety can be found in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I also know that our Father in Heaven loves us dearly and wants us to return.  Because of this, He has provided Prophets and Apostles, whom He speaks directly with, to reveal His plan to.  I know that those Prophets and Apostles are found in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  The continued effort to strengthen my understanding of the gospel requires trust in our Father in Heaven.  Practicing trust in Him, helps me to build upon the trust I already have - just like going out for a training run increases my ability to perform at a different level.

Week 16 - Did you ever get a crazy haircut, style or color?

For the record, nothing I ever did or do is crazy. I am normal, it's everyone else that I worry about.

I remember being very clean cut growing up. Mom always cut all the boys' hair including Dad's hair. I don't remember if she cut the girl's hair or if they went to someone else. Seems like the girls went to someone up the street and when I started getting particular about my hair Mom had me go to that person once or twice.

I do remember that probably about the time Jason was in junior high or high school he really wanted a perm. Apparently, that was the cool thing. So, one day I remember Mom perming Jason's hair and somehow I got a perm too. I don't recall pushing for a perm, but I may very well have insisted that I have the same "cool" hair cut that my brother had. We ended up having a spike down our part line, and longer curly hair in the back - basically a mullet with curly hair in back. The spike down the part lasted for a while, the mullet (thankfully) did not.

The next hair style I can remember was the bull cut. This was hair shaved up from the bottom with longer hair on top. It started with less of a shave, and went as far and short as we could get Mom to do it, while growing it out as long as we could on top. Eventually the shave went most of the way up with only the hair on the very top of the head remaining. The hair on the top of the head was long enough to fall over the rest of the head. I had this style of cut most of the time through junior high and high school. Everyone on the track and cross-country team had this style of cut and most of us wore bandannas when we ran to keep the hair out of our eyes.

There were quite a few things you could do with long hair. Most often it was our group of girl friends wanting to play with it and braid it when we got together. I remember quite a few times having tons of little tiny braids all over my head.

We didn't play too much with coloring our hair. I really quite liked my dirty blonde hair color. I do remember one time as we went away on a choir trip preparing for the all-state choir, our group of friends decided to dye our hair. The color we got was cherry cola. It supposed to be a dark burgundy color, but with my blonde hair, and our in-experience with coloring hair, it actually ended up being a really ugly deep pink color when my hair was dry. When my hair was wet, it was the cherry cola color (deep burgundy color). I came home to put my tuxedo on and get ready for the concert. Went downstairs, showered and walked out the door without anyone noticing my hair. I don't recall if this was planned. My will testify to this day that I must have sneaked through the house. I don't remember doing that, but I most likely was wearing a hat as I usually did any day I wasn't in school. That night at the concert my hair had the wet look as I had used some product to keep my hair in place - I had to do that whenever I needed my long hair to stay in place at anything formal like church, or a choir concert. Mom and Dad recall trying to pick me out of the all-state choir and being pretty sure that it was me, but my hair being quite red.

One other hair story that I remember was when I was interviewing for my current job at McKay-Dee Hospital in Ogden, Utah. I had quite the scruffy look going on as I applied. I believe I had some kind of beard and hair that was not only long on top, but long all over. For some reason, I really like my hair long. I recall feeling really good about the interview. I had never had an interview that didn't go well, nor do I recall not getting a job that I applied for up to that point in my life. As I expected, after the interview I got a call back to interview again. As I spoke with the person who would eventually become my boss he went over a few things he wanted me to be prepared to do at the interview. He also made sure that I was aware that Intermountain was a conservative organization. He then asked me point blank if I would be willing to cut my hair if I was offered the job. I assured him that I would be willing to do so. After discussing this with Kelly, we decided to go to get my hair cut. This was a big deal, because she came with me to a hair cutting place to help me pick out a style from the hair magazines to cut my hair to. We found a shorter hair style that we thought would look nice and be a compromise for the long hair. We let the girl cutting my hair know what we were looking for and she went to work. She worked and worked and worked. That included cutting and cutting and cutting some more. It seemed like she went over every inch of my head a few different times. I left with very little hair on my head, and if I recall correctly Kelly was crying. I left everyone interviewing me quite shocked when I walked in the room for my next interview. I looked like a totally new person having "my ears lowered" as Dad always said.

The good thing about hair up to this point is that it still grows back - and it did after my military cut to get a job at the hospital. I've been able to get my hair a little longer again without losing my job. I haven't really had any crazy styles lately, except for on Halloween. We've done most things from curling it up to be big and puffy to dying it jet black and slicking it down.

Week 15 - What was your favorite food as a child? Has it changed now that you are grown?

I don't recall really having a favorite food growing up. I don't recall being that picky either. I do remember sitting at the kitchen bar for hours one night because Mom was making me finish my slit pea soup and I didn't want it. I remember everything being cleaned up except for my bowl of soup, my spoon and my cup. Everyone else had moved on for the night, except me. I don't know if I ever finished that bowl of split pea soup, or if I went to bed hungry, but I do remember the experience. I think I had that experience a few times. I didn't like meat loaf either. I think it might have been the name that turned me off from it.

I do recall liking Shepherd's Pie. It was a mix of beans, meat and tomato sauce with potatoes and cheese over the top of it. I remember liking casserole dishes. One that Mom made regularly was with egg noddles, tuna and peas. I still really enjoy casserole dishes. I remember that we ate pancakes quite a bit for breakfast. Occasionally, we'd have eggs and something else. I really liked when Mom made poached eggs. She put lots of salt and pepper on top and it made them delicious.

I really enjoyed fish sticks growing up. I don't think there was any real fish in the things, but they were quite good. I always dunked mine in ketchup just like french fries. One day a school at Roy Junior High we were having these for lunch. After I gulped mine down, the next class I started feeling a little sick. It was getting a little hard to breath and I felt a little funny. I went to the school nurse and I ended up calling to get a ride home. Grandma came and got me because Mom wasn't home for some reason. This same thing happened to me quite a few more times through my teenage years. It was never life threatening. I would usually go and lay down on the couch, or go to bed until the issues breathing passed. After some allergy tests they decided I was allergic to fish.

I think I got on all right being allergic to fish. I liked fish, but it wasn't a huge part of what we normally ate. Then, I received a mission call to Korea. While we didn't know much about what they ate in Korea, we assumed there would be a lot of fish. I remember going to Korea with two EPI pens that I could use to give myself a shot just in case my throat swelled up again. I also remember receiving a blessing, maybe as I was being set apart as a missionary the night before I left, that I would be able to be able to be a part of the culture of the Korean people including eating their foods. While I didn't eat tons of fish in Korea, it was a part of their every day life. I ate fish once a week or so as a side dish and never once had a problem. I have never had a problem to this day since receiving that blessing. And I love fish.

I have only cried a few times over food. I may have cried the night I was supposed to eat the split pea soup. I also cried one night at Sushi with Kelly. It was my first time at a little Sushi place in downtown Salt Lake City. I don't remember what we ordered, but the mixture of flavors dancing around my mouth playing will all of my taste buds brought me to tears. It was delicious. To this day Ginza remains as one of my favorite restaurants.

I don't know if it was living in Korea and eating foods that I would never consider even getting close to if I wasn't required to eat them as a missionary, or if it was all of the "missionary training" dishes Mom put in front of me growing up, but there is rarely a dish put in front of me that I don't enjoy the entire dish. I love exploring new foods. I enjoy fresh, whole foods in their simplicity. I have a hard time with processed foods and have limited my body to those types of food to the extent that now I get a little sick if we eat at a fast food restaurant. We've introduced more of this into our bodies with kids now, which is probably going the wrong direction, but it is only an exception to the norm that we stop and grab a quick bite somewhere. In the same regard, we've started doing more homemade baking and preserving than I ever remember growing up. Kelly is excellent with baked goods and it is rare that we don't have fresh bread in our home. Instead of ready mixed foods, most everything we make is from scratch. We're lucky to be able to and enjoy gardening with quite a few fruit trees as well. This keeps us supplied with quite a bit of fresh of the vine foods.

I now love split pea soup and meatloaf. There is rarely a dish I can't enjoy.

Week 14 - What were some of your favorite books growing up? Now?

I don't recall really liking to read growing up. I still struggle to read. While I enjoy it when I really get into a book and commit to reading it, it isn't on my list of things to do - unless I put it there. I have made reading goals the past few years since finishing my graduate studies. This has helped to keep my mind active.

I do remember enjoying the book To Kill a Mockingbird growing up. It seems like it was part of the curriculum in junior high. I also read a book in junior high about some guy that was getting hunted down in a desert. I can't ever remember the name of it, but it was a good book. Another book I enjoyed reading was Dune. While I don't remember much about these books, I do recall enjoying them.

I don't recall many of the books I was required to read in high school, but I do remember actually starting to like English and it becoming one of my favorite subjects my senior year of high school. I had always followed my older brother and sister's footsteps in taking advanced classes that qualified you for college credit, if you passed a test a the end of the curriculum. These ended up being some of the least exciting classes for me and I did the worst in them because I had no motivation to study. I didn't learn much in those classes. So, I decided my senior year to drop the advanced classes and take the general English class. Ms. Olsen was my teacher. She was an older, never been married lady that really took an interest in her students. In her class, she read Don Quixote to us. Yes, we were seniors in high school being read to. It was in this class that I really made a connection with a teacher and wanted to learn. I had always enjoyed and done well in school, but Ms. Olsen helped us understand why we were learning and made it personal. She has always been on my list of favorite teachers.

In college, I decided to study communications. It was in an interpersonal communications class that I met the second teacher that I really connected with. He was a short, interesting fellow that described himself as a minimalist. He wore one of two changes of clothes and the same sandals every day to class. He mentioned all of his travels and we made some connection as he had interests in Buddhism and Taoism. In our class we had various lessons from texts of the Dahli Lama and the Tao De Ching. I took an interest in these text and was able to go a presentation by the Dahli Lama in Salt Lake City at the University of Utah and read the Tao De Ching.

It was in this class that we read the book Tuesdays with Morrie. Looking back at it now, one reason I may have loved this class - and this book - was that the professor could have shoved all kinds of information down our throats and tested us on it, like so many professors in college do. Instead, he gave us a short book about interpersonal communication from which we had a lesson each week. But, the focus of our class was on this book Tuesdays with Morrie. It was a short novel written about a man's interaction with one of his college professors as he slowly lost body function and eventually died from Parkinson's disease. The professor wanted to teach about life by talking about his experiences while he was dying. While the book may only be 200 pages long and could really be read in a few afternoons by a slow reader like myself - or in one afternoon by a fast reader like my wife Kelly - we took the whole semester and picked apart this book to learn about interpersonal communication. It was a great class. I've read this book over and over throughout my life as well as a few other books that the author wrote. It is one of my favorites.

As lame as it may sound, I enjoy reading the Bible and the Book of Mormon. While they are great books to dive into and study the doctrines of Jesus Christ's gospel that are contained therein, I enjoy reading them as a storybook. As I am learning from other books that I now get to read with my two boys, there is so much we can learn from stories. I believe that if we are trying to do what is right and are looking for answers to our questions, our Father in Heaven will inspire us through the stories that others had written down. While we naturally go to the scriptures for these types of answers, I have found answers to my questions in books that range from the children's book Where the Wild Things Are to Tuesdays with Morrie and theTao De Ching to the Book of Mormon and the Bible.

While all of these books have provided some sort of inspiration to me, I believe the Bible and the Book of Mormon to be the actual words of our Father in Heaven passed down from generation to generation to teach his children his plan and desires for them while here on Earth.

Rather than sitting down with a novel, I enjoy reading books that teach me about something. A few years ago I read one book a month. Half of those books that I read were biographies of people ranging from the great tennis player Andre Agassi some of the founding fathers of the United States. Most of the books I enjoy or self-help books put in a story format - similar to Tuesdays with Morrie, though that author writes his books from some sort of true story. I just finished reading the biography of Steve Jobs, the first of six books that I have a goal to read this year. It was a great book and I enjoyed reading about this crazy teenager took some ideas he and his buddy had and made one of the most iconic brands in history with it.

I'm working to enjoy reading more. It hasn't ever been one of my high priorities. However, when I make it a priority, I enjoy getting sucked away into another person's view of life or into another world created by an author.