Week 26 - Describe your wedding day.

I believe that it is traditional to describe your wedding day as the best day of your life.  That is not completely accurate from my perspective.  While our wedding day was a wonderful, beautiful day, our days together have gotten much better as time rolls on.  True, there are some crazy days in there that either drag on forever, or have you at your wits end, but it is great to have a companion that you can count on and grow to love more and more each day.  It is wonderful to be able to plan a future and know who it will be with.

So, with that said, our wedding day was great.  As mentioned in a few previous posts, Kelly and I bought our home a month or so before we were married.  When all was said and done it was probably only a few weeks before we were married that we actually owned the home.  I moved in those few weeks leading up to our marriage and we spent quite a bit of time cleaning the home and preparing it to be ours.  I remember that we had to scrape quite a bit of lead paint from the garage and repaint it before we could close on the house.  There was a whole lot of cleaning to be done.  Everyone came in over conference weekend and helped us out quite a bit cleaning up and moving things in. 

The night before our wedding Kelly brought everything down for our honeymoon and we moved most of her stuff in.  We didn't want to worry about having to run around gathering everything up before we left on our honeymoon and we wanted to be able to just come home and be home without having to check in with our families.  We planned our wedding celebration accordingly.  We had a dinner the night before at Em's Cafe on Capitol Hill in Salt Lake City.  We had our wedding ceremony on our wedding day and then we had a reception a week or so later.

So, on our wedding morning Kelly came and picked me up around 9:00 a.m.  We packed up the car with all of our honeymoon clothes, food, etc.  We went down to the Salt Lake Temple and parked in the temple parking lot where we felt safe that nobody would "decorate" our car.  Our temple assigned sealer was Bro. Coombs.  The ceremony was excellent.  Kelly and I have had numerous opportunities to go back and perform sealings to totally remember the promises that were given to us.  One of my favorite times of the day was sitting in the Celestial Room with Kelly for a few minutes leading up to our ceremony.  This continues to be one of my favorite things to do - sit in the celestial room with Kelly just pondering about whatever.

After our ceremony, we changed and met up in the basement of the temple before heading out for pictures.  I walked down the hallway to the waiting area and there Kelly was with a bunch of other grooms waiting for their new wives.  It was kind of funny and gets brought up everyone once in a while that I'm the high maintenance one in the relationship.  This is also one thing that I love about Kelly.  She is fine with who she is.  She is naturally beautiful and while she gets made up for special occasions and is a total knock out, she is beautiful everyday even if she is walking around in her PJs, unshowered, and a little haggard from a sleepless night with the boys.  We got pictures all around the temple, then we went back in changed into our normal church clothes that we wore to the temple that morning.  We grabbed a sandwich from Cutler's in Centerville and drove up to Logan. 

We'll stop here in the story where next week's story is about our honeymoon.

Week 25 - How long was your engagement? Write about any trials during this time. Write about preparations for the wedding.

As I mentioned in last week's post (yesterday), Kelly and I were engaged for two months.  Kelly and I were both in a situation where we were both ready to get married and once we chose each other to be married to we just made it happen. 

I'm not sure how it usually happens, but Kelly and I pretty well took care of all of the arrangements.  We decided to change all of the things we thought were customary that we didn't necessarily like and do things our way, because it was our day.  This did cause some inconvenience for some of our family members that didn't live near the Salt Lake Temple, but it was our day.


Kelly was working odd shifts at Primary Children's Medical Center at the time.  She'd work some days and some nights.  That is just how they did it on the surgical floor where where she was working as a nurse.  This made for some interesting planning sessions.  We sent quite a few emails back and forth.  Kelly only worked three days a week, but they were odd hours and 12-hour shifts.  This meant that though she might only work three days, she would be recovering another few days.  If it was after a night shift she'd sleep through the day and then try to get herself back on a normal schedule for the next shift. Why they allowed the nurses to work this way I do not know.  You'd think they'd have them either work night or day shifts, but it wasn't that way.  It actually ended up causing Kelly to have some weird heart rhythms a few years after we were married to the point that she quit working at Primary's even though she loved it there.

These odd shifts and odd hours of togetherness made for some interesting times and I think caused quite a bit of anxiety inside of Kelly.  As we were courting and spending every waking hour together that we could and then fitting in sleep between these weird schedules, Kelly had some rough times.  I know her dad helped out quite a bit and she spent quite a bit of time in the temple.  For some reason, I didn't experience any of this and I was pretty calm and supportive through the whole thing.  Kelly might tell you otherwise, but that's how I remember it.  I don't recall this causing any question on if we'd get married, it was more just anxiety of that we were going to get married and it was for real.

Kelly and I made most of the arrangements for our wedding. We picked out a little quaint diner that one of my work friends had told me about for our wedding dinner.  Everyone that was invited to our ceremony and a few other family members were invited to the dinner at Em's Cafe on Capitol Hill.  There was seating for about 50 people and we had the place packed.  We arranged for our flowers from a little floral shop in Sugarhouse.  They took excellent care of us.  We decided to only do the ceremony on our wedding day as we wanted to enjoy the day.  Everyone we had spoken to did the wedding and luncheon and a reception on one day and they were worn out at the end of the day.  After the mid-morning ceremony, we did pictures with everyone that was there and a few of just us, then we left town for our honeymoon in Logan, Utah and Afton, Wyoming.  We did a reception at our home a week or so later after we returned.


That brings up another interesting thing as far as wedding preparations go.  We both we pretty established in good jobs with our undergraduate degrees completed.  We both didn't want to rent, so we also decided we'd be buying a house in those few months as we prepared for a wedding.  This wasn't really a stressful thing, though I'm sure there was more stress than I remember.  The biggest thing was we knew the type of neighborhood we wanted to live in and we thought we knew the only neighborhoods that existed.  The tough part was that those neighborhoods were all well out of our price range.  I remember after browsing through most of the neighborhoods at $400k and $500k homes that were two and three bedrooms homes we both were a little frustrated.  We actually came across a small home in the mid $300s that we were set on figuring out that if we both stayed employed full-time we'd be able to make it happen.  That's when reality set in and we were able to come back to Earth and realize that we wanted Kelly to be at home with our kids when they came into the picture and we didn't want to be strapped to something that would keep us that tight.

It was near a miracle when we drove up 1200 South in Bountiful one night.  We were both talking.  Mid-sentence we both stopped.  I stopped the car in the middle of the road.  I got out of the car and grabbed a flier in front of a for sale by owner home.  It was a tiny home with huge trees and it was so cute.  I don't recall if we ever pulled the car out of the road, but we looked through the windows and as we were on the phone with the person selling it, told him we'd give him what he was asking.  It was so perfect.  It wasn't scary at all.  Whether it came from shock of all of the other homes we had seen than finding this one at under half the price, or if it was where we needed to be it doesn't matter.  Everything worked out perfectly and smooth just as our relationship had done.

So, there you have it.  Met, engaged, married, bought a home in four months time.  Crazy, eh.  Crazy, but perfect.  I think this is the type of fairy tale that should be in a book someday.  Forget all the drama that Hollywood thinks we need to have in our lives, this is for real.

Week 24 - When did you know you were going to marry your spouse? How did you get engaged?

It is times like these that I wish I kept a regular journal.  Now, it seems like Kelly and I have always been together and we have always have had two little boys.  It is difficult to remember life without her.  I frequently recall time of my life when Kelly is just added into the story, even though I had no idea who she when when those experiences happened to me.  It just seems like all good things happen with her, and during the sad times of my life, she was the one that helped me.  I don't know if this happens for everyone, but it has become that way for me.

I do recall figuring out pretty past that Kelly and I were going to be together forever.  From the moment of our first meeting we were inseparable.  While it took a few weeks to actually be able to get on a date with her without her sisters in tow,  it took about that same time period for both of us to know that we'd be getting married.

I don't recall any specific incident that sticks out in my mind as the moment that I knew I'd be marrying Kelly.  As I've mentioned in some other posts, it took me a lot of learning from other dating experiences to get to the level where I was ready for Kelly.  I apparently had a lot to learn.  In all of those other experiences I always had some reservations or red flag come up.  Don't get me wrong, I dated quite a few really neat people.  Fortunately for me I was directed away from them for one reason or another.  Some reasons never quite made sense until I met Kelly.

Kelly was everything I had ever wanted in a spouse and more.  In my previous dating experiences I had quite a few people tell me that I was crazy breaking up with someone for one reason or another.  I was told numerous times that I shouldn't be holding out for a miracle or that nobody was perfect and I shouldn't expect that in anyone I was dating.  I didn't feel like I was ever expecting perfection.  I realized that myself being quite imperfect I couldn't expect that.  I also realized that I had done quite a few things in my life to get to a certain level and I shouldn't have to settle for someone who hadn't done the same. 

When Kelly came along there were no red flags - ever.  No hesitations - ever.  No wondering what if this happens - ever.  I know that Kelly experienced some anxiety over our relationship, but it never caused one bit of hesitation in my mind.  From the get go everything was right and it stayed that way.  Every experience we had together increased my love for her and desire to be with her more.  Things got pretty ridiculous with the hours we spent together.  Kelly was working crazy hours at Primary Children's Medical Center and I was working normal hours at AlphaGraphics in Layton.  Kelly would get of a crazy 12-hour night shift and crash for a few hours, then we'd get together for a few hours after I got off work before she'd have to go back.  After a few night shifts in a row, Kelly would have to crash for a while to recover and we just made things work.

We both knew we'd be getting married after dating for only a few weeks.  We both were pretty established so it ended up being fairly easy.  We had a conversation one night that was very simple.  We both knew we wanted to be together forever, so we decided to just make it happen.  Two months after we met we were formally engaged.  I proposed to Kelly on the top of the hill at Temple Square in Salt Lake City on the north-east side of the Conference Center near the gates to the gardens on the top of the Conference Center.  We had found a ring that she liked and I had ordered it in from a shop that I had done some design work for.  I don't recall why we were at temple square that night.  We had probably gone out to dinner like we did quite often back then.  We loved to try new restaurants - we still do, but our finances are directed to other places now.  We probably were just going for a walk.  Even though Kelly knew we were going to get married and I wasn't really popping the question, I was super nervous.  I wanted to make it a special occasion and it never really felt like it was going to be, so after walking around for a while and sweating on the box with her ring in it quite profusely, we just stopped and I knelt down and asked her.  Right there on Main Street with cars rolling by and other people all around.  I'm glad she still said yes, because I probably embarrassed her a bit.

Two months later we were married in the Salt Lake City Temple.  I'll stop here, because if I recall, the next blog post asks me to tell more of the story.

Week 23 - What are your feelings towards your in-laws?

Balance is an interesting thing that applies in all areas of life.  I think it is most commonly referred to in nutrition or food choice.  One area that I have come to understand moderation is important is in family as well.

One thing that drew me to Kelly was the Register family.  I remember as we were getting to know each other and then dating/courting we had numerous conversation about how I loved how close her family was.  Kelly and her sisters do everything together.  They talk nearly every day.  She does the same with her mom and her dad.  In the first month that Kelly and I knew each other, I think I met each and every one of her cousins, uncles, aunts, and grandparents multiple times.  After two months I could name most of them.  Not that there is only a few, we were just with them all that often.  There were monthly birthday parties, random gatherings, regular dinners, etc.

I remember loving this, because I want to have a close family.  I want my house to be the hang out spot.  I want to have my kids want to bring their friends to my house.  I think there is great strength in keeping a family close like that - maybe it is the micro manager in me coming out.

I don't recall growing up this way.  I do know that I felt comfortable at home.  I do remember having my friends over at our house multiple times.  Maybe it is as we have grown older that we have all gone our separate ways.  But, to contrast a little, in my family we don't get together that often.  I'd be surprised if I speak with my siblings once a month.  My parents who are on a mission in the Philippines have noted that since they left on their mission they feel like they speak more often with me.  I think we all know that we are there for each other if needed, but we function totally independent of each other.

Kelly and I have been married now for coming on six years.  I'd be lying if I said I still enjoyed all of the family gatherings.  Kelly would call me on it as well.  I've gone a little over the edge to where I think Kelly even dreads bringing up that there is another family gathering - its actually something I'm working on.

Moderation is just as important in family as it is in nutrition.  I can't say that I enjoy not ever seeing my brothers and sisters.  I miss them.  I don't dwell on missing them, but sometimes I just want to sit down and chat with them or give them a big brother hug.  At the same time, I can't say I enjoy getting together multiple times in a week with the Registers.  It is interesting how family dynamics are different. 

I love the Registers.  I've gained two crazy sisters.  One functions very similar to me, but she thinks quite a bit deeper that I do, the other is the bubbly outgoing person that loves everyone that I aspire to be.  Dad Register has a level of understanding of the Book of Mormon that I aspire to and he can keep up with this thirty something guy on a bike any day of the week at mid-50s.  I hope I can do that in twenty years from now.  Mom Register is not only a trooper, she is one of the most caring individuals I have met in my life. 

The Registers have filled in holes that were existing in my life.  They make me want to be a better brother, son, dad, and father.